MLC vs Midlife Reboot

[ciluzen]

So, update and quick journal on move. I'm sure I'll look back on all of this some day from a completely different perspective and see and feel things I can't even imagine.

D23 had "taken the day off" with her boyfriend to help move, but realized last week they took the wrong day off. She said they could still manage if it was a morning move, but then midway through this week realized that wouldn't work. But assured me that two of her guy friends would help. They were no shows.

High school kid I know had a baseball game later in the day but was bringing friends...he showed they didn't.

So...my friend (young female), high school kid, and H were the only one's here at designated time. We loaded what we could in our vehicles while waiting for D25 and her H to show up with truck and large trailer (they were 3 hours late!).

We got it done.

I didn't want H to help, but he did. Even to the extent of taking things out of my hands or calling h.s. kid over to replace whoever was helping me. He "took charge". I have to admit, though, his help was very much appreciated as we were a little short on muscle.

When we got done at apartment, we all sat around eating pizza and beer (soda for h.s. kid) and talking. They loved the apartment and it was kind of a party.

Everyone left but H and we just talked about kids and family (mostly him talking) and he wanted to explore the complex so we walked around. He's always been a very curious and inquisitive guy, so I'm not reading into behavior. He explained that he needed to go back to the house before he went to vacation home (his weekend home, now) and that we should go by way of the scenic drive by the state park (shorter but curvier and narrower than how we came...tough for SIL with large truck and trailer. We were in separate vehicles.

At the house he worked on packing up garage again and I attempted to work on house, but he kept calling me out to ask questions or show me what he was doing. He then said he was taking stuff to the recycle center and told me I was going, too (I raised the eyebrows at him...he corrected to asking). Did I say he fights his controlling nature?

On the way there he told me my friend seemed to be in a bad mood. I explained she was protective of me and that she was miffed at D23 for bailing on me and D25 for being 3 hours late. H added, "and she doesn't like me much". So I explained that I don't say bad things about him, but while most of my friends that know of our situation are supportive of me and my choices of how to deal with it, there are two in particular that think he is so horrible that I should hate him. He nodded and told me that what he is doing to me is horrible and awful. I agreed, but said "it is the choice you made. I respect your right to make it." He just said "it is."

He kept prying into conversations between my friend and those of the others that helped in such a way to show that he was concerned about what they might think of him. I didn't take the bait, but I guess from convos later with D25 that everyone was making comments about H being controlling and stubborn and having to be "right". He at one point was insisting that we fit a large tv into h.s. kids back seat of his truck. It looked like it wouldn't fit so the others cleared space in another vehicle and kept saying there was plenty of room in the other. H.s kid was very worried about H trying to shut the tv in and possibly breaking the window. H worked for 10 minutes on it, ignoring everyone's comments and pleas. He finally shut the door (carefully)and it fit. I tried to diffuse the tension by laughingly declaring, "Awww! I hate when you're proven right!" To which my friend said, "Especially him", as she walked away.

I can't mind read. H was acting like H always has. It hasn't really bothered me in the past (his controlling, bossy side)because he was usually right, though I know it has bothered others. His whole family is that way, I've seen them in action. But I realized, he is more and more aware of how others feel about it. And he is not as often "right" in his decision making or choices. I get the feeling that he is starting to realize that some of his decisions weren't so good. His insecurity slip is showing. As for me, with all that has gone on and my newly forming philosophy of letting others be themselves; it bothers me even less (if you can believe it). I told him he could help me move more smaller things in today, if he wanted (his suggestion). I can be grateful for the help and he likes to feel needed. Why not? Its actually a 180 for me.

One week left of house stuff, so much to do. I still won't be sleeping there until tomorrow night; I want my dog to enjoy her farm-dog freedom for a bit longer.