Yes, focus on collaborative problem solving instead of challenging....some useful statements...

I'm sure we're both doing our best in difficult circumstances here...
How do you think we can best handle things WRT D?
I feel upset when I see her this way. What can I do to help?
I'm finding this difficult too - what do you think is the best way forward?
How do you think D is doing? Are there ways we can make this better for her?

These might not be entirely suitable to the circumstances, but you get the feel of how the tone of the interaction could go....and of course these are great skills to develop for any potentially challenging situation I think.

JMHO of course smile

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus