Have to keep making the changes

[ATPeace]

Well just wants to post and get some feedback to what I should be doing

Last night my W met up with some mums from a local Facebook group she was very nearvous about going and mating its new people however she was out until after 1 pm when I went to bed

So she is going out getting a life making new friends whilst I do very little to go out and make new friends I am at home trying to rebuild the family be than that she wants me to be spend more time with her that she wants pre bomb date doing more with the kids ...still getting told that what I am doing is not enough

My wife and I get on really well in the house,together so long as we are not having relationship conversations but I miss the hugs and the closeness of being with her and the simple affection.

I am scared that the more she goes out the more she will want to go out and the more confident she will become and then she will make new,friends and then go out more with them ....end up chatting to more mums who are separating or separated and chat about how they are happier and then get more strength to want to go seperate ways and eventually end up with a new partner .....can you see how this and how I spiral from her going out with a few mums for drinks to her leaving me and forming a new relationship with another man ....my thoughts are unhealthy

During our marriage I was controlling and I can see this is very unhealthy but I still want to be in control now.

How can I change and become less controlling I have no control over what she does.

She should be able to go out this is normal behaviour even in a healthy marriage .....defiantly in a healthy marriage so why do I find it so hard to accept ....my own lack of confidence self esteem ? For me to change this hasto be one of the things that I accept

For things to get better she has to want to be with me and it has to come from her

I really need to detach and get a life ...is it harder for a man to do this than a woman ?

I want to make things better with my W and rebuild a relationship with her whilst she is making absolutely no effort to rebuild a relationship as this is not what she wants.

So I spiral

I do not want to live apart from my Wife and my family
The woman I am with right now is a very different persons but is this a bad thing
I love her and want to be with her but have to let her go so she can do the things that she wants to do
Can I watch her get further and further from me and just accept this ?

She is doing a better job at divorce busting

I am trying to change myself into the man only a fool would leave be a better father less controlling so how do I deal with my jealousy and insecurity

We recently bought a puppy together ...this. Perhaps the most crazy thing to have done in our current sitch but we chose to do this together [censored] crazy thing to do

I have a lot of work to do on me ...I have a choice stand for the marriage and the family or let go and move on ...everything that we do is about choice


Thank you for reading