Have to keep making the changes

[Huddy]

Ghost

Good with the gym. You need to eat more protein based foods and less sugar. Remember that your body burns more calories when you do weights, rather than just cardio. For every minute you spend doing weights, your body then continues to burn calories for exactly the same amount of time after you've stopped (eg, if you do 40 minutes of weights, your body will burn the equivalent of 80 minutes worth of energy). Milk, meat and eggs are good. Well done for that!

Dogs? Hmmm....not a dog man myself, but I think I would park that one for now. Who's gonna end up walking the thing? What happens if W goes off?

[ATPeace]

The dog had been purchased we both talked about it and both wanted to get one so,far it has been good

When my W and I First got together we purchased a Newfoundland well this puppy is a leonberger so just as big

I am hoping we will do things together with it it might or might not bring us closer together again .

[ATPeace]

Well just wants to post and get some feedback to what I should be doing

Last night my W met up with some mums from a local Facebook group she was very nearvous about going and mating its new people however she was out until after 1 pm when I went to bed

So she is going out getting a life making new friends whilst I do very little to go out and make new friends I am at home trying to rebuild the family be than that she wants me to be spend more time with her that she wants pre bomb date doing more with the kids ...still getting told that what I am doing is not enough

My wife and I get on really well in the house,together so long as we are not having relationship conversations but I miss the hugs and the closeness of being with her and the simple affection.

I am scared that the more she goes out the more she will want to go out and the more confident she will become and then she will make new,friends and then go out more with them ....end up chatting to more mums who are separating or separated and chat about how they are happier and then get more strength to want to go seperate ways and eventually end up with a new partner .....can you see how this and how I spiral from her going out with a few mums for drinks to her leaving me and forming a new relationship with another man ....my thoughts are unhealthy

During our marriage I was controlling and I can see this is very unhealthy but I still want to be in control now.

How can I change and become less controlling I have no control over what she does.

She should be able to go out this is normal behaviour even in a healthy marriage .....defiantly in a healthy marriage so why do I find it so hard to accept ....my own lack of confidence self esteem ? For me to change this hasto be one of the things that I accept

For things to get better she has to want to be with me and it has to come from her

I really need to detach and get a life ...is it harder for a man to do this than a woman ?

I want to make things better with my W and rebuild a relationship with her whilst she is making absolutely no effort to rebuild a relationship as this is not what she wants.

So I spiral

I do not want to live apart from my Wife and my family
The woman I am with right now is a very different persons but is this a bad thing
I love her and want to be with her but have to let her go so she can do the things that she wants to do
Can I watch her get further and further from me and just accept this ?

She is doing a better job at divorce busting

I am trying to change myself into the man only a fool would leave be a better father less controlling so how do I deal with my jealousy and insecurity

We recently bought a puppy together ...this. Perhaps the most crazy thing to have done in our current sitch but we chose to do this together [censored] crazy thing to do

I have a lot of work to do on me ...I have a choice stand for the marriage and the family or let go and move on ...everything that we do is about choice


Thank you for reading

[rd500]

Hi G , I'm sorry mate but your still at square one It seems your unable to do the work even when you know it has to be done


I'm going to be honest with you , you're W seems to be playing you and your happily going along with it

Nothing has changed in your W , and why would it ? She gets everything she wants from you and does whatever she wants.

So the two of you decided to get a dog ? When did you decide ? , was it your idea ? And you had to convince W ? I doubt it

Your fears re W are completely wrong in a healthy M but your not in a M anymore , you just won't accept it As you are now W could find a man she respects , someone she can't walk over and then what G, will you still follow your path and ignore all the advice you've got ?

I'm at a loss at what to type mare Your clearly unhappy so as you say , you have choices. Continue on as you are and keep those fingers crossed that something will change or do something to make those changes

G, I can assure you that I loved my W as much if not more than you love yours . I was devastated on BD and suffered for 6 months until she left and then suffered for another year but I'm getting over the pain now and I know I will be happy again one day with or without her

No one will control my happiness to that extent

Your living in constant fear and pain G and this will continue until you realise that W is gone , she is not married anymore and she will act accordingly

Choices G. Make one

Take care. Rd

[Sotto]

So G, you know you haven't put in the work, and you know you haven't yet seen your life unfold as you would like it to.

Instead of putting your energy into talking about it, why not actually make some plans and set some goals in the areas you want to make progress in. There are a number of areas you posted above - she's going out and I'm not, my low self-esteem and so on....

Seriously, you know it needs to be done, so why don't you actually start doing it my friend?

(Mornin' RD...

Xx

[Huddy]

Go to the gym and work out your frustrations there. Make some plans and stick to them!

[RAI]

Hey Ghost,

I see you have not posted on your own thread in a couple of weeks, yet you are still posting elsewhere. You have received some rebuke and constructive criticisms from some really wise DBers. Take advantage of these criticisms and grow.

RAI

[ATPeace]

Thank you

So I do not post here so often I found it was starting to overwhelm me however I am finding that with each day that pass I am getting just that little bit stronger

It is funny how when I look back at some of the advice that I have been given I can see how blinkered I have been

I have been trying to fix something that I have no control over in fact it is funny when I first came here I thought that I had a better chance than some at turning this around

I now realise just how unhappy she had been for not months we are talking years and years I understand things that I thought was easy to repair is hopeless

When a person tells you they wish they had left years ago and yet right up to bomb date she was telling me she loved me ...I believe she lost her love and I just did not realise it ....I am seeing things clearer and everything that I have done over the years has let her feeling upset nothing I ever did was ever good enough it's all bullshit

So from next week I start at the fitness trainer 5 days a week it's time to put in the effort

I really am not looking forward to selling and relocating everything of mine skipping things then down sizing living apart from my life long friend and partner but I will be ok I know I will be ok it has to be done

I have been so low and now I have to think of me

Will update again soon but. Thank you for sticking with me my friends

Ghost

So

[ATPeace]

I have 4 beautiful children and one of them is just 2 years old

My 12 year old and my 2 year old are my priority

My 15 year old son I will have as. Much fun with him as I can

My 17 year old daughter she and I have become much closer than we were and I will work n building that bridge too when and if I can

Time for change

Ghost

[rd500]

Hi G. It's like a death mate , it takes time to accept. Once you accept that it's happening then you can move forward

Great to read about you and the kids. Lots more posts like that and just keep being the very best you can be

Take care. Rd