Hope everyone is hanging in there. I haven't been around on the forum for a few days now. I think I was just taking a few days to rediscover myself without reading through experiences others are going through and relating them back to how they're similar to what I am going through.
Pray tell, what new things have your rediscovered about yourself over the past few days?
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I've been doing somewhat better, but of course I still struggle. My H and I do not really talk anymore, I text him now and then asking him how he is, and we usually keep it cordial.
It is good to hear you are doing better. Struggle will happen for a bit longer, but less intense as you put in the work to heal and grow.
Why do you text him to ask how he is doing? Is this a 180? Is it pursuing? Is it focusing on you?
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Lately though, I've been struggling with the blame game. I keep thinking back to how I could've done things differently. The "What if's," the "I should've..," "I could've.." etc.. At times I take a lot of the blame and put it on myself, even though he is the one who had the A. In the beginning, I even blamed his A on myself. So i guess my question is how do we conquer these thoughts? I've never thought very much of myself in general, and this whole situation has brought me down a whole lot more. I am doing things for myself, and taking steps to make sure I don't fall into traps, but sometimes I really do struggle. As always, advice is appreciated
My advice is watch the Emotional First Aid Ted Talk again. Research additional information around this and emotional intelligence. Research rumination and emotional health Google, how to stop the committee in my head. Take notes Set a plan for yourself and follow it. Practice Evaluate Adjust Repeat Make the decision to discontinue ruminating about the past.
I wish that I could suggest a magic pill or a 3 step program, but when it comes to our thoughts, we are the only ones that can control them. We must simply commit to putting in the work to take control of them. Meditation is a good practice to take up And it will take work. Trust me. I know. I am still working on it. But I can tell you I have come a ways from the darkest moments and thoughts of my life. And it has taken a lot of work.
You can do it. Arm yourself with knowledge and then get to working on it daily.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
