Did Not See It

[RDS]

Today was NOT a good day for me. I have talked to my W for less than 5 minutes in over a month since she left, and I've had very little contact in other ways. I thought I've been handling my emotions pretty well for the most parts. Today, however; was a day I just got angry with her.

I am converting a spare bedroom back into my office and moving my things back into the master bedroom. I decided to buy another laptop and other supplies. While I was in the department store shopping for some things it hit me that I was buying stuff I already had in the house that I had just bought a few months ago. I had to buy it again because my W decided she was the judge and jury of what stayed and what goes when she moved out of the house while I was away.

That really rubbed me the wrong way in the most intense way possible. I kept repeating to myself the stuff I was replacing was stuff I had just bought a couple of months ago with MY OWN MONEY. And here I was buying it yet again with my own money and because my W had the power over it while I was gone. I was so glad I had no reason to contact her because I knew whatever conversation we had would not be good. I was nearly shaking I was so mad.

I also kept going through our wedding vows. You know the standard, "for better or for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish from this day forward until death do us part." Nowhere did the vows say "until the day I'm no longer happy with my spouse, because you know, life is too short to be unhappy so that gives me an out". People probably laugh at the vows, but if it's not to be taken seriously then why give vows if they're not worth the breath to speak them?

Luckily I went over to some friends and I had a good time to where my anger has subsided considerably. I still feel a lot of resentment I thought I had let go to a certain degree. Obviously not.