There are many attitudes to this and these are mine.
There is a space and time to date.
These are the factors to consider.
Too late
* leave it too late and you may lose confidence in dating * leave it too late and then you will invest too soon in a new R * leave it too late and you will go full on too soon inappropriately * leave it too late and you may feel rejected if dates don't work out * leave it too late and you may be unkind to those you date * leave it too late and you may not see the complete pool of prospects * leave it too late and there will be what ifs, Miss Haversham
This has been described as being hungry after you have been ill, you are hungry and wait to eat. You get ravenous and overeat on junk food or poor nutrition. You feel ill and this upsets your whole system. The food tasted wonderful as you hadn't eaten.
--------------------------------------- Too soon
* too soon and you will go for the first person that comes along * too soon and then this is revenge or ego boost and your subconscious will know this, it won't like it and may sabotage * too soon and the early introduction to dating will take you too deep too soon with the same mistakes as before * too soon and the right person for you has no entry point whilst you deal with an inappropriate interim R * too soon and you aren't available and feel guilty * too soon and you previous R is unfinished, you will loop * too soon and you won't see similarities in sitches may mean baggage isn't handled * too soon and you cause damage to your family by introducing another too early * too soon and you aren't formed, the work hasn't been done * too soon and you have no sense of being alone * too soon and you may have inappropriate sexual connections * too soon and you will be too needy even if there is a good fit * too soon and you can't trust yourself meaning others can't trust you * too soon and you haven't practised with your own thoughts and feelings * too soon and you are healing the past and are unaware of the present, remaking the current R in the image of the past * too soon and you fall for the familiar, it's your comfort zone, you move far too quickly, you can say I take care of me * too soon and you are using another to heal (even with sex) this gives others the power over you and oops back to where you were * too soon and you are still carrying your baggage, you will project the past R to the current one * too soon and you will repeat the old R with a new person
In essence being an adult means knowing yourself and having the keys to your own happiness.
Being an adult means being accepting of yourself flaws and all. By dating too soon this you will settle for the first date who validates you and wants to talk. Who wants something from you.
The one person you should date is you.
I feel the behaviour you are showing comes from your beliefs, no other person has the power over you. Moving from one codependent R to another won't help you to heal and realign your core beliefs and boundaries.
My view is that you have work to do on you, no other can heal you or validate you to completeness. You have a need to date and this in itself is attempting to using another to fill the need within you. If they are in the same space they are asking you to satisfy their needs. This isn't possible.This will lead to pain and not a complete whole R. Each of you seeking healing from the other.
The real risk is to use this to complete yourself. This is a plug not a repair. Like a ship who has hit a rock, you need dry dock repairs. A temporary patch and their will be a leak.
Live a fuller life including friends in a group environment. Become yourself, the person you need to date is you. So cease the engagement with any FF in a one on one, if there is any value then it will happen when the time is right. Anyone who wants to rush you has their own interest not yours at heart. That is more of the same.
In essence Google the term pattern interrupt.
Want to be with the best not just the first. Choose someone with appropriate boundaries who gives you space to be yourself. An adult who can be alone.
Step back, breathe, ground and heal first.
When you do date, be honest with your dates, date a few women, if there is no fit walk away with respect for both of you.
My 2c
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
