Detachment, anxiety and the end of limbo

[Phoebe]

Holy cow. I went to an ethnic festival this evening with a MeetUp and got sucked into an entire evening, including being dragged to a bar, and then to salsa dancing. Both were utterly uncomfortable. Let me count the ways: I don't drink, I am too inhibited to dance and the more people push the more inclined I am to stonewall, and I definitely don't like loud noise or places I can't talk to people easily - live music 10 feet away from the speakers = deafening. The salsa dance floor was also super loud.

Plus, I just got home and it's 3 am! Good grief. Given that I will certainly wake at dawn again, I going to go out on a limb here and predict that my sleep deficit will be getting worse.

And here's the biggie about why I was uncomfortable: one woman decided that I neede to kiss someone tonight, and I told her it was absolutely not going to happen, but she kept after me ALL night. It was charming(yet another person trying to fix me) and also a PITA.

Actually, today I was genuinely feeling better than I have all week. I am officially lawyeed up and ready to fight for myself with their help. I say their help because there are three of them. Let the financial bleeding begin. I am not going to share any specifics in case WH stumbled across this, but suffice it to say that I am not planning on being any kind of doormat in this process.

The toll information kind of did it for me. I'm looking at it as my wonderful H is gone forever, replaced by a person I would never want, nor accept in my life. I'm not going to take any bullsh1t from this person. I've had quite enough crap shoveled my way over the last few years and it's time for that to stop.

Time to get a few zzzzzzzs. Maybe I'll be able to sleep past dawn??? I hope so, or it's going to be a very short sleep.