Your W's sayings really resonates with me. From what I have been told by DB coaches is that a WAS wants a vibrant life and this makes sense to me now. They will go after a target to ensure they are happy. The LBS is the one who thought things were "happy" in the current state of their M.
The sad part is that most WAS's won't see the changes in the LBS's.
First off, let me clarify, that quote is something I found throug her, but it is a quote by "Buddha" himself haha. But beside that point, it definitely SHOULD resonate with everyone who doesn't want their lives to decay into nothingness.
Unfortunately, you are right that a lot times an WAS will not notice the changes, efforts, of an LBS, and oftentimes, they will, and people will think of it as "WAS saw the changes too late, and the divorce is already final...
It was just a few days ago I was talking about the "ticking time bomb" on my marriage and how I have 60 days to turn things around. When that's not the case...
Darknes was one to point out that divorce is not the end of a relationship with someone. It's just the legal paper that says you're no longer married to <person>. It's still up to those parties involved to decide if they want to be together... and people DO get remarried to the same person they were once got divorced with. I don't know the statistics on this (if anyone does, please tell), but I know it happens. I listen to a talk radio show (Joe Beam show) who talks about this happening a lot, and he, himself, actually was a WAH, with an LBS, divorced her, and 3 years later they remarried. Said they are now happier together than they could have ever been if they would've reconciled right away...
Don't lose hope, (easier said than done), as I know I've lost hope countless times throughout this process, and when I realize it, I shift my focus of lost hope on the MR, to new-found hope on making myself the most awesome person in the world. So awesome that I can find confidence in knowing that even if my WW does follow through with D, I'll be better off as the new man I've become, with or without her. It'll be hard. but, that's the mindset we have to keep.
So, apparently I "went dark" without knowing it. My text to W stating "you know where I stand, and you're always welcome to stay here at the house."... NEVER SENT! I've been having problems with cell network last few days and the text failed HAHA.
So, I went dark, and now I think it's fate, and I might just not send it at all. If she shows up, great, if not, great. Up to her.
I had the exact same experience about 2 weeks ago... was trying to send W some photos (don't ask me why... but a moment of weakness) but they failed... Thank God to the unreliable Cell networks!
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
"Unfortunately, you are right that a lot times an WAS will not notice the changes, efforts, of an LBS"
To me this is 100 percent true if there is an OM in the picture. It's like we say all the time. It won't wake in 3-way marriage. It's why to me if there is an OM you have to drop the rope, LRT, etc Cause nothing you do is going to matter as long as their attention is elsewhere
Betterm!!! You are doing great man. Love how you are handling everything right now. Keep giving yourself time. your attitude is in the right place. Keep it up
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
So, I've been trying to stay out of the house most of the day, came home to walk the dogs and have quick meal, and sure enough, was graced with a surprise from my W's walking corpse. She didn't mention anything about me not responding to her request of staying at the house alone, but said "I'm taking the dogs with me tonight, is that okay?" I said, "Yeah! that's great, you can take the dogs whenever you like to."
She asked why I was off work, told her that now that I have flexible schedule with my last I'm working from home a lot more when it's available. (I could tell this bothered her, as she feels like I put work before her a lot), but she didn't continue to ask questions about it.
She piddled around for a few minutes, I went upstairs, changed laundry, put on some jeans and came back down (I was planning on leaving). She said "Alright, well, I'm going to get out of here for a bit, see ya later", and I said "Alrighty, take care".
Out she went, and about 3 seconds later, back she came in with "Are we ever going to talk about things? About what's going on?" And I told her "I'm still just processing everything and reflecting within myself for now". She replied "You can't tell me you were happy? Were you really happy?" I just said, "I'm not comfortable telling you anything right now regarding my feelings of our relationship. Maybe sometime down the road, but as of right now I don't have anything to say."
She said, alright, and stood with the door half closed, looking around the corner at me, and I just kept doing the task at hand (I was cleaning the blender). After 5-10 seconds, she just quietly closed the door and out she went... she didn't return this time. The dogs are still here, so she'll be back soon I'm sure. I'm going to try to be 'not home' when she returns.
You are awesome!!! Well done! Now get out of the house
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Haha. Thanks cbt/doodler. I still feel like I'm "blowing her off" a little bit when she asks these questions... I guess until she stops "asking" the questions, and actually starts making statements about how she's feeling about 'us', I should stand firm on not wanting to talk, and continue to not respond with softball bait like "if you want to talk I'm here to listen."
I tried that a few times and it's been met with silence in the past. I'm assuming since that's the pattern, she's not really "ready to talk" either, but just feeling me out to see if I'll start to pour emotion onto her about my feelings. It's hard to hold back, but I feel as soon as I tell her my feelings/thoughts, things will turn sour quickly.
