I know I need to focus on me and turn myself into Kyle 2.0 but what am I doing with my W? Do I now pull back and almost act indifferent when I'm in her company (picking up and dropping off the kids), do I stop doing anything which may facilitate her WW lifestyle?
Kyle, instead of looking for people to answer your question again, go back to the beginning of your thread and read the advice you've already gotten. Your stuck buddy, and you need to start taking steps forward.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I know I need to focus on me and turn myself into Kyle 2.0 but what am I doing with my W? Do I now pull back and almost act indifferent when I'm in her company (picking up and dropping off the kids), do I stop doing anything which may facilitate her WW lifestyle?
Kyle, instead of looking for people to answer your question again, go back to the beginning of your thread and read the advice you've already gotten. Your stuck buddy, and you need to start taking steps forward.
This... the people on these forums are great people who want to help. but there is no magic fairy dust that we can sprinkle on a sitch to make our WAS's change their mind. The point is to GATHER KNOWLEDGE, then think, then APPLY KNOWLEDGE to your sitch, create action plan (that does NOT include your W, nothing about her at all), and execute that action plan.
It's a simple thing, that every single one of us struggled with when we started here. Do the homework, KyleR. You'll understand more when you quit posting every last emotion/thought/fear you have, and start equipping yourself with the tools you need to get 'unstuck'.
Sandis post was dead on as always!! My first time here I had a WW. This time I have WAW. I can see the difference clearly. Listen to Sandi always I agree with Cnut and Betterm. You need to go back and look at all the advice you have been given. Use it. Absorb it. Become the Kyle2.0 and the rest will play itself out
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
I'm not going to lie but your first post knocked me for 6, I read it and felt like I had been ambushed
Ambushing is never my goal. That is not why I stick around here. I feel the quicker the LBS has information in what works and what doesn't, the better. If I think they are sticking their heads in the sand, or just not doing anything........ I try to get their attention.
I don't think any man wants to see his W as being wayward, but if you examine the definition, it makes sense in knowing what he needs to do in his interaction with her. It is like when we have rebellious kids. We can't be their buddy and expect them to do what they are told. They are going to push our buttons. We have to show them our strength and firmness. I have seen so many kids who were the ones in charge! The rebellion has to be broken and in order to that, the parent has to be the adult in charge. I use to say my kids may not like me, but they were going to respect me. Here's the key........as long as they respect you and are obedient, then you can enjoy the closeness (friendship) in the relationship. Until then, you better get a tight grip and hang on.
Although, the WW is not a disobedient child, she acts like one. She would compete with any rebellious teenager. Just as a wayward teenager must learn to respect boundaries or suffer the consequences, so should the wayward wife. The H must have strict boundaries, and enforce them when they are dishonored. Without consequences, his boundaries are ineffective.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I definitely didn't take it to heart Sandi and in all honesty I think I needed it.
I would be the first one to admit I have been so far from my normal self over the last 8 weeks, I have been walking around with a cloud hanging over me. Due to this people have been tiptoeing around me afraid to say the wrong thing which may tip me over the edge.
I will say I stand by my belief that there is not OM in the picture I see now that it is completely irrelevant.
I definitely didn't take it to heart Sandi and in all honesty I think I needed it.
I would be the first one to admit I have been so far from my normal self over the last 8 weeks, I have been walking around with a cloud hanging over me. Due to this people have been tiptoeing around me afraid to say the wrong thing which may tip me over the edge.
I will say I stand by my belief that there is not OM in the picture I see now that it is completely irrelevant.
[quote] Although, the WW is not a disobedient child, she acts like one. She would compete with any rebellious teenager. Just as a wayward teenager must learn to respect boundaries or suffer the consequences, so should the wayward wife. The H must have strict boundaries, and enforce them when they are dishonored. Without consequences, his boundaries are ineffective.
You know Sandi, this afternoon was the first time I really did this and it felt good. She took S to the lake yesterday. He had a great time. I get him today, he's beet red on his face and back. She warned me he was red, but I did NOT expect this (esp his back). She had him out for 2 hours, and he's fair skinned like me. She put some dollar store quality SPF 30 on him (she says). I told her this was unacceptable, to get some sunblock on him, and to make sure his teachers at camp know to do the same. She didn't argue, she just said ok. This is something the woman I love would NEVER allow to happen. More signs.....
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
