Almost 10 weeks since she said she didnt love me

[sandi2]

I don't think you really grasp how the addition to the OM works. She can't feel remorse while she's still engaging at some level. She works with him, therefore, it's like she gets a hit every day. That is the purpose of having absolutely NC, no pictures, no social media........no seeing him across the parking lot...........no nothing.

For me, I was so low on being willing, that I had to reach the place of being willing just to get to the willingness. Can't get further down than that.

Remorse comes at different lengths of time for people. I think it depends upon a lot of factors involved. For me, I had to get completely through the withdrawals, stop thinking of what may have been, and essentially stop thinking about the OM. Then, I had to deal with the stuff I felt before OM ever came into the picture..........like all the resentment and disrespect. I had to let go of all of that, in order for the remorse to hit. You see, as long as I could blame my H and hold on to my anger........I wouldn't take responsibility for the hurt I had caused. Therefore, remorse didn't happen.

I won't tell you how long it took me, b/c it doesn't mean it will take your W that long. A woman can regret her actions, when she can obviously see part of the damaged results. However, a bad attitude can quickly rush in to rescue her from those fleeting moments of regret. I keep preaching to LBH'S how it is a process for the WW. Getting over her feelings for the OM, is just the first step. Many steps and much work from her is required.

When I was able to let go of the years of disappointment, unmet expectations, resentment, bitterness, fault finding, blaming, and most of all........the disrespect, then it came. My false pride was broken. The anger had lost. My heart was broken for what I had done to my H, our M, and my children. At last, I was able to go to my H with humility and ask for his for his forgiveness. That night, was the first night I went to sleep without all that bad stuff in my heart. Until I reached that point, I had no interest, no feelings, nothing for my MR. It was a long, slow process, but it can happen. She can have feelings for you again.