Sorry for the previous post. Here's a little more info.
I've been in Dallas for the past 9 days and came home yesterday. We hung out and watched TV. W was very cuddly all evening. I initiated at the end of our movie by asking to go "upstairs". W was in the bed while I was brushing my teeth and my mom called (remember a couple weeks ago when she called in the middle of our session...geez). Anyway, it took a while to get her into the moment so I took a little extra time. We stayed in the fem-dominant position the entire time until I O'd. I laid next to her and caressed her chest and told her that I had heard of some women having Os just from breast stimulation. She replied that it would take some pretty serious concentration to do that. After playing with her for about 15 minutes, I moved my hand down between her legs. Previously (and typically) she locks her knees together. She actually opened up this time and let me touch her. I tried something new with my fingers where I simulated a sex toy so that the back of my thumb knuckle stimulated her clit and my fingers would massage a sport just behind the clit inside. She immediately asked me "is that a new technique?" and I explained how I was trying to put a couple things together and that it was inspired by a sex toy I saw. It was pretty hard to comfortably do this and she actually told me to lighten up on the pressure. I did and she said "not that light". This is a breakthrough too because she typically doesn't talk about stuff like this. Anyway, I had to shift into a position to use both hands and I worked it until she came. This was the first time in years that I manually took her to O. It's much harder than oral for some reason and took much longer.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Quote: This was the first time in years that I manually took her to O. It's much harder than oral for some reason and took much longer
Sometimes the more direct the clitoral stimulation the longer it takes to orgasm because you can sort of jump right over orgasm into pain and then you sort of have to mentally numb yourself out to get back into orgasm mode but then when you do come it can be really intense. Does that make sense?
I don't know if this is common knowledge but the way you can tell orgasm is near when you are stimulating a woman is that her clitoris will retreat back under the hood and into her body for a second. If you keep up steady stimulation when this happens she's bound to come, if you stop you may have to start again from "scratch".
A new technique I just read about and tried out a bit on myself seems to really work. You spell out the letters STOIT repeatedly on the lubricated clitoris to make her crazy. When you want her to come just keep repeating the I. I was wondering if it might be effective as foreplay on the head of the penis.
I was feeling like a Super Success Story just yesterday but for some reason today I am filled with reptilian rage. I think I've spent so many years being sad and depressed about this problem, I may have to spend a little while being just plain pissed off.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
2. MM - STOIT? What does that stand for? Stroke To Orgasm In Toronto? Silly Tadpoles Oink I Think. I think my W's letters would probably spell out "STOP IT." As for what letters to "draw" on a man's head, OOOOOOOO works for me.
This morning I woke up and guess what? I didn't want to have sex. Why? Because I already had it 3X this weekend!
I broke one more crucible to pieces and I am feeling like a SUPER-SUCCESS!
My H initiated sex Saturday night. I expected this since he had been gone since Monday and he's asked me to trust him to keep the frequency up.
Sunday morning he was still in a good mood. I wasn't really looking for action since I knew he wasn't leaving town agin until late Tuesday morning. We had a pleasant morning together. Sunday afternoon I was sleepy from our late night romp so I went to our room to try and nap. A little while later H came in and started folding laundry and rummaging around in his drawers. This was unlike him since he's usually very courteous of being quiet if someone is trying to sleep. A few minutes later he jumped on top of me and initiated. I actually was half asleep so it took me a few minutes to rev up but we ended up having a second quite excellent session.
Monday morning H was under a black cloud from the moment he woke up. I sensed it immediately and thought to myself "Good thing we already got a couple sessions in this weekend". But then I thought about an analogy I had been working on before my H arrived home this weekend having to do with my previous post about how sometimes it seems like my H doesn't like me and regards me as a pest.
ANALOGY: One good night, my H and I dock our Schnarchian boats on Happy Sex Island and have a fantastic time there together. The next morning we start off from the island each in our own little differentiated boats. I'm planning to spend the next day with H, so I'm imagining we'll both sail on to Read Papers Joke Around Island then maybe Go See Movie Island and hopefully end up back at Happy Sex Island that evening or maybe the next morning.
However, my H because he is irritable/dysthymic has found himself stuck on a sand bar and pinching crabs are crawling all over his boat. If I was overly emotionally fused to H my reaction would be to jump out of my boat and start fighting the crabs with him and we would both end up stuck, wet and pinched. Or I might think "I better get the hell out of here or those crabs might get me" and start paddling away as fast as I could in the other direction. These are the kind of reactions I was having before I joined this board, but it didn't feel right to me to react in that way, so I was very uncomfortable and felt like I was "going crazy".
A more typical way I might react has led to a mistake I've been making since I've been feeling more differentiated. I was misunderstanding Schnarch's advice that if you are differentiated you can be in the same room as your spouse and be able to hold onto yourself. I went too far. I was acting as though I "HAD TO" stay in the same space as my spouse. So back to boat analogy.
I would observe my H's boat in distress and stop to offer assistance. I would try to do some things that actually were appropriate and helpful. For instance, I could offer him my extra water bottle since he might be stuck for a while. But because I have ADD often I couldn't offer that sort of assistance because I would have lost my extra bottle or forgotten to refill it etc. So I would just sit there in my boat watching him be attacked by crabs and offer advice on how he might do a better job fighting off the crabs. I would ignore the fact that my advice was more annoying than helpful until my H would get so fed up he would actually start throwing crabs right at me! Then I would, of course, have an emotional reaction.
I realized that I don't have to stay and help my H fight off the crabs even if I'm capable of not being over-emotional. I can choose to change my plan for the day and sail on to Gardening in the Sun Island or Shopping with my Sister Island and leave him to his own devices to fight off the crabs (as long as he has his crab fighting spear/anti-depressant). I don't need to be bored or annoyingly helpful.
END ANALOGY
So Monday when H woke up irritable, I put my plan into action. I told him I could tell he was in a rotten mood. I gave him lots of space and only did appropriately helpful things. For instance, when the crabfighter complained that we were out of bottled water, I went to the store to get some more because it's my job to keep groceries stocked and it was my ADD fault that we ran out. While I was at the store I picked him up some St. John's Wort too, because it seemed to me he might need a little extra fighting tool.
H remained in crabby mood most of day but as the evening progressed and he had a few beers and watched some sports, his mood improved from crabby and sullen to crabby but joking. He asked me to help him find some books to read while he's away. He then asked if I had any erotica lying around. I pulled out a couple volumes and he leafed through a bit. I told him that I had been reading a cheesy romance novel that evening and there were actually a few hot scenes in it. I showed him the "hot"pages. He proceeded to make fun of me for reading such a poorly written piece of fluff. One thing led to another and bad, bad Mojo got what was coming to her for reading such trash.
And that is why I am a super-successful, semi-LD-feeling HD this morning
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I've clipped your analogy for my notes to review on our Monday night talk...which didn't happen last night because it was a holiday. I figure that tonight will be the talk.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Hooray for Mojo! And THANK you for that amazing analogy! That was a masterpiece! So elegant. So true. Also, CONGRATULATIONS on finding a DIFFERENT definition of success!!! It is SO true... it's not just the frequency, it's not just the quality, it's the WHOLE package. You did great holding onto yourself. Pat yourself on the... um... back!
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seems to really work. You spell out the letters STOIT repeatedly on the lubricated clitoris to make her crazy. When you want her to come just keep repeating the I. I was wondering if it might be effective as foreplay on the head of the penis. 
