I used to also have reactions to OW's name. Much like Wonka's. So much I nicknamed her something not so nice and put that name in my phone when I had to save her number. I got over it. I had no choice because she is now my daughter's stepmother. (I couldn't use that word either for many many years).
You just came off a HUGE reaction and I'm sure she is still treading very lightly. Managing your emotions will help her feel more comfortable communicating with you.
Lying is not ok. But right now it isn't for deceit, I think it's for her own self defense. Work on making it comfortable to communicate and she will communicate!!!!
