Out of interest is there ever any benefit to reaching out to your spouse to see if they would agree to spend time with you?
I'm thinking of trying to arrange a meet up in a couple of weeks to just be in each others company, no relationship talk, no funny business but just to see if that spark is still there.
Now listen, you are not moving forward in learning new methods and avenues to deal with this. This is the end of your third thread and you still are saying your situation is different. You aren't doing anything b/c you don't believe she fits any of the descriptions you read.
You want to fall back on the old way of just meeting and talking.........hoping for a spark. IT DOES NOT WORK!! If it did work, there would be zero posts on this board. Do you get that? It would be the first thing we would tell you to do.
I want your undivided attention for a moment. You are so hung up about not reading another story like yours and thinking your W does not fit the WW/WAW/MCL and you are searching for the unique fix for your unique W and unique M problems. There is nothing unique or different about any of it. Your W is wayward. There! Now you have a label, a category. I know the first thing that will pop into your head.... "But, she's not in an affair". She doesn't have to be in an affair to be classified as wayward. Waywardness is born and developed in the heart.
You say you are a 100% certain there is no OM. Well, time for you to wake up and grow about and learn something about women. Did you know there is such a thing as an imaginary affair that effects the mind and feelings as much as if it were real? Did you know that women can feed their emotional fantasies on romance novels, movies, etc., and emotionally exist in a pretend world that resides in her head? It messes with their heads b/c they compare their H with the hero of the storyline, and of course, the H comes up lacking......a lot. Her unmet expectations and lack of desire and respect for her H is affected in devastating degrees. Her frustration and dissatisfaction grows, and her emotional needs pushes her to go find that hero out there. And the H has no earthy idea what is happening. Furthermore, she would NEVER admit to any such thing, and would continue to blame it on you and say she no longer has feelings for you. Of course she doesn't, b/c it has all been distorted by her fantasies.
It is a very serious situation that many adults laugh away, and it is destroying MR's. I am talking about a level of unhealthy fantasizing. It can start very subtly, and then it becomes an escape from an unhappy life, and the person may not fully realize how it is affecting her real relationship.
I was so disappointed in my H and our MR, I would fantasize about some celebrity (embarrassing to admit). Other people may fantisize about their co-worker or ex, but I went for the stars. Then, I got hooked on the romance books. They were filling some type of need I had that I felt my H was ignoring. In the meantime, I found him failing to meet my expectations more & more.
My first post to you, I told you I went through something very similar to your W. Now let me add this...........even if there is no particular other person in the picture, at the moment (and that's a big "if"), you can bet she is making herself available. She has no feelings for you, right now. She has absolutely no desire to save the MR. She is telling friends she wants you to move on. She is very young with two little kids. She is wanting to move away. Her only excuse is that she is not happy being M to you. She is a WW.
It is going to take a heck of a lot more than eight weeks for her to miss you. Right now, she's thinking, "What's to miss, there is something out there better". Don't be the fool who sits around showing her your love-sick puppy eyes, hoping she'll feel bad for hurting you. It doesn't work. Trying to show her more love and what a better H you could be, doesn't work with a WW. You have been told what to do.........but you continue to make excuses. She's different, the situation doesn't fit others, etc., etc. No......it's you. You don't want to believe the girl you love could be a bad as the other W's you read about here. And, maybe she's not. There are degrees of waywardness. However, she is wayward. So, what will you do?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
