What Should I be doing (5)

[Coconut]

So I saw a text message from my W to our friend that she went to the concert with last weekend. It said "we are ok, Coconut let me delete all the messages from (OMs name) and we are still trying to work through this. Friend replied "Good, neither of you deserve to live like this" (This was the day after I posted the texts on fire station group chat)

So I had mixed emotions, it was good to see my W talking about moving forward (which is what she told me), but I was upset that 1. She was using OMs name in discussions with friends & 2. That she told this friend everything, my W met her through me and has known her for 8 years, whereas I've known her for 30 years and she knows pretty much every friend I have or ever had.

Now let me say that my W has said several times that this is a private matter that we need to deal with, especially after I posted on Facebook and took it right down and when I posted on fire station chat. I have talked to only my cousin, and that was back when I was having an emotional breakdown and needed someone to talk to. My wife has talked to her mother, her BFF, a friend of ours we work with and this friend of ours.

So I approached my W and asked if she had told this friend of ours about what's going on, she said I didn't tell her what's going on, so I said so you didn't tell her about the A, she said no, just that we are having issues. I then asked her about the text I saw and she went of the handle being defensive, saying up and down that this friend doesn't know, so I asked what she thought the texts where, and got more defensive stuff back. I told her that I understand needing someone to talk to, but it's really embarrassing for everyone I know to know what's going on, and she kept being defensive and getting really loud, I told her that I won't be screamed at and I'd like to talk about it more when she's calmed down.

I'm pretty pissed off that she lied to me again. I sent her a text when I got to work and said that in my mind, I was going to ask what she said, she would tell me everything truthfully and that I wanted to express to her how I felt about her telling so many people. I told her that one of the things I want to do in MC is work on communicating so that I can bring up things without her feeling like she's being accused and for her to be able to respond without being defensive.

I feel like I need to readdress the issue, because I'm not ok with her lying to me when I ask straight forward questions, but is that a bad idea to do now, should I wait until MC on Tuesday?