Did Not See It

[RDS]

Yeah, I agree with you both about not posting my "ring ceremony" on FB. That would have been way beyond stupid. I watched the video again today and it is dumb. I deleted it from my phone. It still feels really weird not having the ring on.

AFAIK, my wife hasn't had an A. If she did have an affair it would save me thousands of $$ because in SC you cannot collect alimony if you commit A, and it would speed up the D in months instead of the 12 months of separation it takes in SC.

I now feel better about offering to pay for her eye exam and contact lenses. I sent the email to keep it official in case any of this comes up in court (if it comes to that). I basically told her what account to use and to let me know how much it would cost so I could transfer money into the account to cover the costs.

[RDS]

One small way I'm GAL is I'm throwing away a lot of junk that's been accumulating in the house over the years. I am also moving my clothes and toiletries from my office and spare bathroom into the master walk in closet and master bathroom. The master bedroom/bathroom areas are becoming "mine" and less and less "hers"

It's not a lot, but it sure feels good.

[betterm]

It's not a lot, but it sure feels good.

decluttering is good for the soul. I went through this process a little while back and it's something I continue to do today. It's amazing how distracted we are by having too much "stuff" and not having the stuff we do have properly organized.

[RDS]

Today was NOT a good day for me. I have talked to my W for less than 5 minutes in over a month since she left, and I've had very little contact in other ways. I thought I've been handling my emotions pretty well for the most parts. Today, however; was a day I just got angry with her.

I am converting a spare bedroom back into my office and moving my things back into the master bedroom. I decided to buy another laptop and other supplies. While I was in the department store shopping for some things it hit me that I was buying stuff I already had in the house that I had just bought a few months ago. I had to buy it again because my W decided she was the judge and jury of what stayed and what goes when she moved out of the house while I was away.

That really rubbed me the wrong way in the most intense way possible. I kept repeating to myself the stuff I was replacing was stuff I had just bought a couple of months ago with MY OWN MONEY. And here I was buying it yet again with my own money and because my W had the power over it while I was gone. I was so glad I had no reason to contact her because I knew whatever conversation we had would not be good. I was nearly shaking I was so mad.

I also kept going through our wedding vows. You know the standard, "for better or for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish from this day forward until death do us part." Nowhere did the vows say "until the day I'm no longer happy with my spouse, because you know, life is too short to be unhappy so that gives me an out". People probably laugh at the vows, but if it's not to be taken seriously then why give vows if they're not worth the breath to speak them?

Luckily I went over to some friends and I had a good time to where my anger has subsided considerably. I still feel a lot of resentment I thought I had let go to a certain degree. Obviously not.

[RDS]

Today I had my first appointment with my therapist. She did seem surprised I still wanted to stay married to my W after I gave her the history of my marriage over the last 8-9 years.

She did tell me that I was not in the state of mind to even think of my marriage. I had to think of myself first as far as improving myself to where in a few months I would begin to really think clearly. She thinks I'm still holding out for what the marriage was 9 years ago and not what it is now. I know she has a point. She did suggest a certain book to help me get back to what the “me” used to be. I kind of figured it will be a GAL guide book.

I still have had very little contact with the W. Very professional and no conversation of our life at all when there is contact. No matter how little our contact whenever I get a text from her I feel a lot better. I’m sure since there hasn’t been any talk of our R then there isn’t any “bad” news.

She still hasn’t seen my D since before my W walked out. I’m afraid my W is burning her bridges with my D and that does break my heart.

[RDS]

Not having any contact with my W is driving me crazy. I know it's part of the LRT, but even during the last year of us living together we hardly ever spoke. I wonder if this is really the way to go.

We text occasionally but it's strictly minor business matters. She has until June 22 to respond to the Spousal Support paperwork. I am going to wait until after that before I reach out to her to grab a cup of coffee. My big fear if she rejects my offer.

[doodler]

When you LRT the LBS should GAL.

[RDS]

I am the LBS and I am working on GAL. It's just that there are certain times where it's incredibly hard to do. I'm working in the house to get it to fit me, instead of "us", but everything reminds me of happier times.

[doodler]

I am the LBS and I am working on GAL. It's just that there are certain times where it's incredibly hard to do. I'm working in the house to get it to fit me, instead of "us", but everything reminds me of happier times.

RDS is LBS doing LRT and GAL. (I just had to have some fun with the acronyms.)

RDS,

I know what you mean; it seems that most everything DB is difficult. I've been doing a lot of work in the house and the yard. It's been tons of fun because I don't have to get permission from the commander and chief (she's moved out and might be replaced with Hilary).

I'm currently finishing my "frontier guy" bed frame (it looks awesome), I'm putting in a border on a couple of plant beds, I'm going to start making decorative wood shutters for the front of the house, and my youngest son wants me to build a scaled-down functional tank (military style). The tank is going to be the tough one. It'll be functional in that it'll be drivable, but it won't shoot anything.

I've got a bunch more projects lined-up as well. As long as the commander and chief stays away, I'll be able to complete most of it. If she comes back, I'll have to find her a boyfriend to keep her out of my hair.

[LiM]

Not having any contact with my W is driving me crazy. I know it's part of the LRT, but even during the last year of us living together we hardly ever spoke. I wonder if this is really the way to go.

What you have to realize is that right now, your W DOESN'T want you to be in contact with her. Trying to connect with her will only drive her away. My WW was angry about my detachment and going dark but when I talked to her about it, she agreed that it would have only pushed her further away if I had pursued. So don't do it!

You're doing ok. Keep up the hard work. DETACH and focus on YOU. Find out how to become the most amazing RDS that there has ever been. Learn how to be happy on your own. Learn to be enough for yourself. This builds confidence and other people (including your WAW) WILL notice. Give it time. There are a lot of years of pain to overcome. Your W didn't decide to do this on a whim. She will have to see changes in you and that they are genuine. That is what you need to be doing right now.