If you're wife is choosing a friend over you, then you're not the number one dude in her life.
I'm not sure its quite so black and white. I don't think she's choosing one or another, she isn't choosing anything right now and just doing whatever she wants. That's is not the way to fix a MR, which I interpret as she doesn't want to fix it right now.
Regardless of how she sees things, she needs to understand and respect my side as well. I've gone to great lengths to understand her side, and my conclusion is that she has no clue what she wants, so needs to be on her own to figure it out.
