Toast - burnt or just right

[rich4j]

thanks trumpet, sh , jimk for the support

Yesterday was surreal. I am not sure if the big man upstairs is messing with me or what.

Had a visit to the ER with my daughter from school. Won't go into the details but scary moment for me and my STBX but everything is OK.

We had to be together in that environment for 6+ hours and it was painful but also painful in the "my heart still misses you too much" painful way for me. We actually had a hug and there were some mutual tears but I could still feel the coldness.

I truly thought all the resentment, hate, anger from the past almost year has hardened my heart towards her but this emergency was just hard for me beyond the scare for my daughter.

It was on the coat tails of her the prior evening her driving me mad as she tried to ruin some of my vacation plans by throwing every wrench into my plan and making things difficult.

And as you can imagine, the imagination ran wild last night. "we should be back together as a family" etc..."why did she have to do this..." I then thought what if I was the one who was sick...who would help me as I don't have any immediate family in the area. Yes...my friends would come to my rescue. But I would want her , my STBX, coming to help me!

Ugh...this is too hard. I go to see my IC today thank goodness.