This is the first time I'm posting on your thread, so I apologise if I'm not 100% up to speed with your situatation.
I think different therapists (or scientists, researchers, doctors etc) tend to have different theories, and you just need to find one that you morally and intellectually agree with. Before discovering Michelle's work and this forum all the advice I came across was that H would have to do all the work, that he would have to beg, that it is his fault that was (he might have been) unfaithful, that I should snoop around etc etc etc. I didn't agree with it, and it made me feel like I was being a pushover. However, since broadening my reading I found out that there are different schools of thought, and you just subscribe to the one that you agree the most with. I'm with DB, I believe that he is going through a MLC, and that there is a case of ILYB (I love you but I'm not in love with you) syndrome. We have other issues too, but I don't think now is the right time to deal with everything that ever went wrong for either one of us. We would have to hire a resident shrink to resolve all of that.
Take care of yourself, I trust that you will find your way out of this, you sound like a strong person!
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
