Help My MLC/Nice Guy is a Foreigner!

[jamaica]

Tonight I had a blow up with H. It was over the kids and the planned now unplanned trip to Europe. He again did the usual called me controlling, said he could never live that way that was the problem with our relationship. "This just basically sealed the deal". He said what is to prevent me from behaving the same way down the road. I said 'nothing but a desire to raise the kids in as harmonious environment as possible". I pointed out to him my objection to Europe was not Europe but his A partner and his lack of plan regarding exposure to her and how he was going to address the kids needs and confusion about all of the changes in there with all our friends and relatives. I read the lighthouse post today and felt further empowered. It's amazing how he can twist my thinking into making me think he's not so bad and there may be some logic to what he says.. He is/was successful at that when it involves our interaction but not when it involves our children. He just uses it against me.

Unfortunately we ended in a R talk. I am not sure wether it was better/worse, pursuer distancer or more of the same. Actually as I think about it in the light of day. It's just him trying to rein me back in. He acknowledged that he doesn't find me "all bad just lacking affection". He said he's never been with anyone like me before. He says that for 8 years he felt no affection and he finally got out. I wished him well and said I'm moving on. I guess I should not have said that I guess I should not have engaged with him at all. But sadly I could not not defend myself to some degree. I did do better than previously and also listened. He's still on the way to see his A partner. She apparently is more affectionate than his too functional W. (me).

Now question since I failed the 180 detachment, LRT plan what do I do now? Demonstrate affection or stay the course. He is in someway responding if not overwhelmingly positive. Actually I think I can answer my own question. My feelings should not be dependent on his action or inaction. I am not rewarding him with more pursuit. He is my friendly neighbor.

Addendum He dragged me in again this evening. This time with a request for his sister and her affair partner to stay in our home on vacation with her son. I said no. My response is no different for her than for you. In fact I told him that her presumption that he could bring this person whom no one knows to our house was rude and crossed all kinds of decency boundaries. We argued over when I knew and when I agreed or didn't agree to this and why I am preventing everyone from having fun. This is about the kids not me....
Anyone else have similar experiences? How did you handle this? How should I maintain my sanity? I feel like the world is conspiring around me to be unethical and dishonest and that's just ok???!!!