Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 2

[JksD]

Congratulations on the award!

And sorry about H not making it back for Eid al Fitr. I have Muslim friends so I know how much of a big deal it is.

I am running out for errands and will give a more detailed reply later.

[SH_]

“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much.” – Mother Teresa

Sara WH = A fool in need of finding his way and doing the work required to be a husband and father

Sara children= Precious beyond jewels and earthly riches. The love of their mother will see them through the journey of childhood.

Sara= Strong woman. Courageous mother. Driven person. Finding herself. Working on healing. Stronger than she knows. An example to many that are struggling with their own challenges.

(((Sara)))

“When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another.” – Helen Keller

[PsySara]

I found some evidence that he took the affair underground. I confronted him and reminded him that it is Ramadan and lies will void a fast.

They had sex in April.

This was after he promised to do anything to fix things.This was after she texted me a heartfelt apology (after her parents received the exposure letter from me) and said she was cutting contact.

I am afraid my response was counter to DBing. I threatened to destroy them again. H became angry and basically hung up on me.He called back later and again was angry and nasty to me.

I am broken. I am destroyed. I had no idea it would hurt this much again. I feel like I can't breathe, my chest hurts. It feels as if my heart has been carved out again.

[JksD]

(((Sara)))

I am so sorry.

I hope that others will weigh in.

So the A is still ongoing?

Avoid any big decisions now.

[Natus]

As another Muslim couple, i feel you.

Its Ramadhan and i am struggling to heal wounds of betrayal, i have days i am filled with anger and thoughts of destroying the OM. All which i fear will invalidate my fast.

The only thing i can do now is turn to god, try to stay pure of mind during ramadhan and really really find my inner peace.

You are not alone.

[PsySara]

HE said she "broke up" with him at the end of April.

I called her and she confirmed his story. I called her every name in the book. I told her she should go ahead and confess to her parents so they are prepared when I tell them. (I don't plan on telling them but she doesn't know that)

I feel so sick right now. So defeated. He is a monster.

[J5K]

Sadsara,

I am sorry to hear the news.

((((Sadsara))))

[Ou81232]

So here we go. I've been struggling to understand my WW and her justification of her A. I understand her "addiction" to the A, however the OM has a criminal record which concerns me. We have a 21 month old little girl that I worry about when she is with my WW. In fact, when I had picked up my D yesterday, my WW had to go meet her S22 with some "things". Well, when she was collecting those "things", her weed pipe had fallen out onto the stand. Needless to say, I was outraged! But I kept my cool and continued to unload stuff. (Yea, I've been her friend and been helping her move stuff and getting her place set up.. now I see that was a no no).. So I've since contacted an attorney and have looked into protective custody (which was denied btw) So now I'm stuck. My WW has suggested she was going to use some photos to falsify abuse, which I again, kept my cool and shrugged it off as it should have been. However my goal has always been to reconcile and prevent a divorce. We have no custody paperwork or separation agreements. I have been supporting her and going way above and beyond to earn her trust, which has only made me vulnerable and appear weak. I have been speaking to her aunt, who is very close to my WW, and is very supportive to both myself and is trying to offer positive guidance to my WW. I have been creating more distance and my WW had been asking for money, and I have started to tell her no. WW wanted to talk about something "important" with her aunt today, however her aunt had told her that she and I have been discussing everything, and WW feels betrayed.. So now I'm at a loss.. I want to be the strong and unwavering H that she can trust, however I worry about my D and the OMs criminal history plus the illegal drugs. I've been in contact with an attorney and am ready to file, and want to express this to my WW, but only to show her strength. I really do not want to!!! HELP!!!!

Edit - You have your own thread - here
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2684467#Post2684467

[JksD]

Sara,
Hold your cards close to your heart. If you're going to tell her parents, I don't see why you have to warn her beforehand.

Is there any way of verifying that the A has ended? If it has, do you think your H is willing to have a transparency plan?

I am not a vet but if their A has really ended, would a difference in the timeline be a big issue?

I understand your pain and your confusion. You're spinning. Is there any family that you can be with now?

[PsySara]

JksD,
H stated the OW "broke up" with him in April and Ow confirmed yesterday on the phone. She seemed shocked that I was calling because "I haven't even talked to him in a long time." I guess 6 weeks is a long time to a 21 year old. H is not remorseful at all. Last night he spewed really hateful stuff at me because I threatened to expose OW again to her parents. He said that I did that purposely to hurt him and that it was equal to the pain he caused me by cheating and lying again.

Their original affair was in Oct last year and they both broke NC a few times since then. H promised in March to do whatever it took to be able to be near the kids which meant fixing our marriage. Not even a week later he had sex with Ow apparently. So yes, this is a very big deal to me. He refuses to agree to NC again saying he may decide to ask her to reconsider him again in the future.

He told me I was inadequate to make him happy. He said he cared for me but did not love me, that he loves OW and misses her terribly. He was so angry, even cursed at me and yelled. All because I "betrayed" him by screaming at hims and threatening exposure again.

I did not sleep at all last night. I ate breakfast this morning and threw it back up. Hands are shaking and I am struggling very hard at work to stay focused and engaged with my patients. The pain...my God the pain...it's horrendous.