Hubby got home from a golf trip last night, and yours truly went into action. I realized I have been so grumpy because I just needed to get laid. Whodda thunk it from an LD woman like me?
Soooo.... it was on my agenda to 'do' my H. I am proud to say that he has a very had time laying back and being 'done.' Why am I proud of that? Cause I thought I was the only one with sexual hang-ups, and the discovery made him and me seem all the more human and real. I was able to get rid of an erroneous perception I didn't even realize I had -- that he is somehow perfect in the sexual areana... I don't know, don't ask.
So anyways, we did eyes open kissing, and God love my H's heart, he tried the eyes open O. Can I tell you we giggled darn near the whole way through it. But he did it!
We had FUN last night. It wasn't a long drawn out session, he was really tired and had to get up early this morning. But he was game, and he tried everything I asked him to do. Said he'd read THE BOOK, too. Now what more could a girl ask for?
Oh yes, I do have one more thing to ask. Please give me the titles of the best, bar none, sex 'techniques' type books you've ever read. I have a lot of exploring to do. Lots of 'making up' for lost time kind of thing.
When I kinda took control last night, I realized I had no clue what I wanted to do... I even told him that. He laughed and said 'do whatever you want.' Which was the problem... I had no idea what I wanted to do. I cannot believe what a novice I am at this... which is fine... I don't mind in the least, because I understand there are a lot of things to discover, new ground to be covered, etc., etc. And I thought it was really cool that I realized what a novice I am, and I thought it was even cooler that I realized I really, really want to DO something about that!!
Can I tell you all how happy I am? Since my H has been away and I've read PM, I've been thinking and thinking and thinking what my role in all of this has been. And I think I discovered that I have never, ever, ever given myself permission to be a sexual, sensual woman. I'm sure it has something to do with my childhood perceptions or religion (gag), but I don't really care... and I think I was afraid to show my H this very underdeveloped side of me -- why, I have no clue -- and I have just been flat out afraid of my own sensuality.
Last night was one of the most anxious times of my life, because I didn't know how my H was going to respond to me, and I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to get myself through it, and I was just going to 'shut down' emotionally and be a big ole' dud... but somehow, I got myself through it, and of course he came through with flying colors (every pun intended).
So anyways, titles please. I've got some studying to do.
Ever seen a feline, after walking away from a big ole' bowl of cream, and slooowly walk her way over to the nice sunny spot beneath the window, then she slooowly stretches herself before she lays down for a nap, with a very self-satisfied look on her face? That's me. I'm so gdamn proud of myself I can barely contain it. I am an f'ing machine. :-)
