In the UK - PT 18 'Dark O'Clock'

[Huddy]

As always, thanks for the feedback folks.

After chatting with a couple of people 'in the flesh' as well, I think I'm going to let this lay right now and leave it. If I say anything it's probably just gonna cause more uproar and if se really does want to start seeing somebody, then I'll wait until then and decide what to do.

[Huddy]

Time for some inspirational music, me thinks!

Try these two:

Leona Lewis - I am
Naughty Boy Ft. Emile Sandi - Lifted

I do my gym to these songs among others. Try them, it might just brighten you up a bit in these trying times.

[Huddy]

She's suspended her account wit Match. Glad I didn't say anything.

[roist]

Sometimes doing nothing is the best action to take!

[rd500]

Hi Huddy. , how do you know ? At this point what's your thinking re W Are you able to let go of the rope and accept that the M is over or are you still waiting for that Eureka moment

I ask because you seem to have done so well and been coping that this episode seems to have put you back.

I'm very mindful of your feelings when I'm posting this and not because you can't take 2x4s but because I wonder do you know what you want

Obviously you want your family back but at what cost to you ? I've followed your thread from day one and I'm in no doubt you deserve a W that truly loves you I've seen you deal with the ups and downs of your sitch and you are a good man with a good heart

If your W was to ask to come home what issues would she have to resolve for you to take her back , what's Huddys wish list in a M

IMHO you are doing what I do and looking for hope constantly and I'm not sure that's something that's helping you move forward

Let's say W set you up to see if you would react. To what end ? Your seperated a while now and W can date or not date , her choice , you reacting to it would do what ? Step back a minute and let's say you did ask about it because your S had pointed it out ? You could have said , I see your dating , how's that going ? No reaction other than what any person involved in someone's else's life might make

If W was looking , was it because she wants to find love or is she bored ? And filling her time

The issue is Huddys detachment ( and again , I'm no expert on this ) As long as you care so much W can see this in you and you could be making this ordeal longer for yourself.

Just my thoughts buddy It's a cr@p situation but what we can't ignore we must endure

Take care. Rd

[Huddy]

Hmmm... an interesting set of questions rd!

Yes, of course I want my family home. As for what issues; well, I just don't know? Apart from why, I think that would be a work in progress. I think I've dropped the rope, as such, but I'm keeping a watching brief. I'm not needy, make no contact unless it's for the kids and I have done a lot (many people on here point that out, I just don't think about it) but I wouldn't want to date whilst still married. Me and the kids are on holiday in a months time, so, that'll be the first time on our own.

Oh, my S left his tablet here and it popped up in her email box, so she must be using her phone to disable the account.

[Sotto]

Hi Huddy, I think it's more around the - if I keep doing this, she'll do that - perspective. People often say that DBing is more about saving yourself than your M. Ironically, the more we focus on saving ourselves, the more likely we may be to save the M.

I think truly dropping the rope would be not even looking at what she was up to on the iPad - or checking to see what's happening with the account. That stuff is 'attached' behaviour. (Tho I sometimes think it's no bad thing to know where she's at - the checking back on her account probably isn't helpful...IMHO)

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is you seem to be trying to do the right DB things WRT her, which is fine. But I think you are also remaining pretty attached - to what she is doing/not doing and why, and to the outcome of restoring your M.

I think if you can truly release her and accept that she may (or may not) choose to rejoin the M - and that's up to her - that is the best way. I'm not saying give up all hope for the M, but just accept that for now, this is all about you...

X

[NDY]

Dude.

You have not let go of that rope.

Let it go.

Peace brother.

[Huddy]

Hi guys

Dropping the rope is a difficult one to quantify. I feel I have, you guys think I haven't. I continue my life for myself, but you cannot get away from the fact that I also have my kids to think about. It saddens me when my D talks about how much she misses me, and I can't bring myself to tell her that Daddy may never live in the same house.

So, yeah this week was bad. I felt 'depressed' for want of a better word. I have plans for the next weekend on my own so it doesn't happen again.

NDY - bud, where's that beer!

[srt]

Hi mate, stay strong you are doing great.
I know just how you feel and I'm in a similar position. You just gotta keep on trucking and find something to immerse yourself in.
This is where friends and family are your saviour.
Sending some cheer your way.