Obsession with OW

[LiM]

Spying is a double edged sword. The "rules" say not to do it. But that's how most of us get the info we need to prove the A. But once you have the proof, it then just becomes painful. I eventually had to remove the FB app from my phone and the bookmark from my browser so that I wouldn't constantly be checking on things. That being said, 3 months into our separation, I discovered that I could log into my W's FB account and then discovered that the A was still going on. That lead to me filing for D and it seems that act is what was able to end the A and get my W to a place where she could start coming out of the fog. If I had not snooped, I don't know that we would be where we are at today.

Before reconciliation can begin, there has to be true remorse. You would know it when you see it. But even then, trust is something that still has to be earned. There must be a transparency plan. For me, that included turning back on iPhone tracking, combining bank accounts and getting an iPod touch that has all of my W's credentials so that I can see all of her emails and text messages. My W also closed her FB account. She did all of that willingly. If your spouse is not willing to readily agree to a transparency plan, then that is a huge red flag. They should have NO problem being completely transparent. I know I don't. My W can look at my phone and computer anytime she wants. I have no issues because I have nothing to hide. If the WS is truly remorseful and wanting to work on the M, then a transparency plan should not be a big deal.