"BTW. Wouldn't it suck to have your W get her libido back and then befriend a vibrator instead of you."
Toys are fun but boys are much better. Most wmen have "Bob's" Battery opperated Boyfriends for those ocassions when a man just is not around and need calls out. It is absolutely NOT a substitution for the real deal. Let's hope you're back here on Monday with another wonderful adventure to tell.
You know, Dave, I have heard a lot of women express this very thing--that they don't always want it to be a long drawn out thing. I think the men interpret this as the W not being interested but I think the problem also lies in the fact that many women are not comfortable saying, I just want to be f'ed. Kwim? They want to remain proper so saying that they don't want it long and drawn out is as far as they are comfortable going.
Speaking for myself, I need and crave the hard pounding. No nice way to say that, is there! lol After 8 years of marriage, this is still hard for H to wrap his mind around. I do like the soft and slow version too, but it doesn't bring out LUST in me just really, really good feelings.
So it appears that you two are ditching some long held (and erroneous??) notions about each other. Keep it up and for gosh sakes, get her to join another bunko group.
Great tim!!! she likes porn!!! There you go. She's just like my W in that she's got a mind and arousal triggers and is probably highly sexual. I know you know this but I can tell your feeling like a locksmith who can't crack a lock. I can feel that you guys are about to have a breakthrough but you might need to make some subtle adjustments. I'm not clear on what these are yet but it really seems to be a combination "good listening", "defining myself as my own person while paying attention to and giving priority to W", and just a couple extra LLs to my W per day. Not a lot. I think you guys are on the brink of what's happening to us. I would stay very consistent right now but don't appear needy or anxious and do not reveal the process.
Schnarch says that we each have a fear of revealing ourselves to our spouses. I'm seeing this in her. Last night, combined with an incident in a bar in Dallas leads me to believe that she is desperately trying to tell me that she is a sexual person. Sober, she can squelch it but after a few drinks, it's coming out. The goal will be to get her to "sexually express" without drinks. But why is she finally doing this now? For one, she knows we need to work on this but secondly she is finally seeing me "stick to my guns" and not stop pushing the positive change idea. Despite how irritated she is when I throw "big talks" at her, she sees my a "man in charge". I hate to put my wife in the category of a stereotypical woman, but the crap that makes "bad boys" sexy is pretty universal..."high confidence and and the appearance that you would fight for them". Like I said a long time ago...something has to exist to make the LLs work for you. They have to *want* deposits in *their* bank first.
Find the man....you'll get the girl.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Find the man and you'll get the girl!! Profound! I like that..
I just wanted to ask you why you can't have a drink with your W at night to relax? If this is what relaxes her and allows her to loosen up a bit, then why not? Who says it has to be at bunko or at a bar?
I know that, prior to my pregnancy, my H and I would have a drink together almost every night. One a piece, before anyone starts thinking we're substance abusers! It was our way of reconnecting with each other and a "grownup" thing to do that has nothing to do with our little ones. Therefore, it was a way for us to remind ourselves that we were a couple before they came along and will continue to be a couple long after they're gone. Sometimes it was beer, sometimes wine, sometimes some of Momma's Homemade Hooch. (I like to make my own Bailey's or Kahlua)
I miss that ritual now that I am pregnant. H will still have a beer now and then but I can tell that it's not the same without me.
Any way your wife would go for a mini-happy hour with you at night? We would drink our drinks with dinner and then lots of times finish them up over the dishes or whenever we got to them (with a 2 and 4 yo, we learned to appreciate warm beer).
Quote: Great tim!!! she likes porn!!! There you go.
Yeah, my thought exactly, but WRONG!!! This was MANY years ago (DD20 was either not born yet, or just a baby), and I did try a number of times to "make the connection", but no go. W said it was the SITUATION that did it, and basically denied that it could ever happen that way again...
Listen to what honeypot is saying. Maybe the next time you and your wife are together, use it as an opportunity to "show her your bad boy" and just pound the bajeezus out of Mrs. Tim for a few minutes. Of course don't hurt her but make it intense with eye contact and a "sh!t-eatin' grin". Don't let her know what you are about to do and don't tell her why. Definitely wait for her to ask. Then say "I just felt like it...was it too much?". She's going to walk away like "geez, he really got some pleasure from me...cool".
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Quote: Yeah, my thought exactly, but WRONG!!! This was MANY years ago (DD20 was either not born yet, or just a baby), and I did try a number of times to "make the connection", but no go. W said it was the SITUATION that did it, and basically denied that it could ever happen that way again...
Like me bringing home a Liberator, you dropping some porn into the DVD player would be a bad idea. But don't be so sure that it's eternally gone. Have faith. Like I said, I'm seeing pre-marriage behaviors "peeking" out of my W right now. I think we all have tough jobs trying to crack it.
BTW. Have you noticed how may separated couples seem to be hooking up more frequently for sex? It's because they are both seeing each others as individuals and aren't "tiptoeing" around each other anymore. They were too fused.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
AD - wow, great post on the 14 point experience - i'm so happy for you and the lucky mrs.ad. my contribution to this thread on success stories, your post inspired me to curl up to H and ASK graphically for what i wanted, and boy did i get it he is now is such a good mood i'm being wined and dined lavishly on sat night - can't wait
all of this is against the background of still unresolved issues around his affair. ah well, wtf, i'm still enjoying the ride. if any of you 'more honest' people have time, i'd love your feedback on my sitch - here's the link - slowly's thread
btw, has anyone heard from BoldnBeautiful lately? have a great weekend, folks. slowly
Quote: Toys are fun but boys are much better. Most wmen have "Bob's" Battery opperated Boyfriends for those ocassions when a man just is not around and need calls out. It is absolutely NOT a substitution for the real deal. Let's hope you're back here on Monday with another wonderful adventure to tell.
Ok here's a new "Success", I think.....
I discovered that my W and a friend were gong to throw a "girl toy" party...you know like a Tupperware party. Picture a bunch of women having wine, getting drunk, and giggling over various sex toys. I had showed a divorced neighbor the website (partygals.com ) and that gave her the idea to do it. Little did I ever imagine, my W would actually collaborate with her on this and last night they had me take the kids out while they planned the guest list etc. What I'm finally discovering is that my W doesn't have an "inhibition" problem at all. She just seems to have a "dave-in-her-bition".
What was really funny was that she asked me to find the website for her. We looked through it and had some chuckles. This gave me a chance to show her the Liberator website and she seemed to treat it like any other "gift hint" I've given her in the past. She might surprise me with one someday...that would be cool. Anyway, I intend to have her order "something" for me. I'm not sure what yet. the more toys we get, the more opportunity to "play" with them. I'm dying to see if she gets anything for herself other than lotions and oils etc.
What's really interesting is this- I used to be really intrigued by an HD woman neighbor who would play mind-games with me (because she knew how) in front of my W but undetectable. I saw her again today and I have almost no desire to play these games with her anymore. This is due to PM and the recent LM going on here. Note to the HD guys. If you like spending time around women and/or your Ws friends...It's time to pretend you are interested in hanging out with the guys. This transition in my attitude is coming naturally right now. It's really strange. Just like Corri getting a bit of "horniness", I'm starting to feel more "manly" and more interested in doing guy stuff. It's really weird.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
(I like to make my own Bailey's or Kahlua)
