V, thank you for your post.... You always amaze me with not only your insight but being able to communicate so much info into so few words. I have already read your post many times, and googled cognitive dissonance, it was interesting, and fitting to my sitch.
I am also happy for you that you are able to detach. I can feel that I am slowly getting there, but still get wound up easily by xW. Last night my mom and xW were going back and forth about stuff via text. xW is sitting on 95% of the assets, and patting herself on the back for being so civil by sharing $200 worth of stuff. She just doesn't get it, probably never will. I struggle so much with wanting to explain it. But she'll never get it, why waste the time trying?
Talking to FF#1 and FF#2 is so much better than any conversation I have ever had with xW. I talk to FF#2 about xW a lot, but really limit it with FF#1, she's my go-to for having a life away from xW. FF#1 has read about the love languages, I was surprised by that, she's obviously someone who is interested in self improvement. She also just finished some continuing education, very cool! I now wonder if that was part of the reason I was friends with her for so long and was never interested in dating her, she wasn't the type I was looking for, I subconsciously wanted weak and broken? I had weak and broken for 21 years, I want the next one to be something better.
So, now that I am starting to see that there are "better" people out there, detaching is becoming much easier. I am so looking forward to growing my relationship with FF#1, whether we stay friends or end up dating, she is nice to talk to. I just have to be very careful I don't start counting on her to be my sole source for fulfilling my needs.
