Well got another text from W last night if I had decided on a time or place where we could have that talk. I replied to her that I was not ready to have that discussion at this time.
Not 30 seconds later my phone rang and it was her. She asked why the change of heart. I told her I never really committed to it in the 1st place, I could tell she was kind of panicked. She kept saying how this talk was necessary and how could I not want to sit down with her to deal with matters at hand. It took every ounce of restraint from me to say we should have been doing this 3 - 4 months ago before she packed up and left but I refrained.
She then accused me of doing this as a way to pay her back for her leaving. I assured her that was not the case and that I really don't think the talk at this point would do any good. I told her when this all first went down my mindset was to save the marriage, whether she knew that at the time or not that was what my goal was. I told her in a way that is still my priority and I knew if she kept pushing for some big heart to heart it would only hurt those chances.
After all was said and done I don't think she really understands where I am coming from. I made the decision the other day to ignore her original request for the talk and only answer it if she pressed. I know in my heart right now nothing good could come of it. I need more time to work on all the feelings and emotions that have been brought about by these events. I do some day hope to repair my marriage I love my wife but neither of us are ready to jump back in, I hope she reflects on that as well.
