The counselors big thing is empathy. And that is a problem I have. I always felt like if I said I was sorry for doing something stupid, we move on. But, that's not being empathetic to how I made her feel by doing xyz.
A couple things:
1) you are very right. SYMpathy is not EMpathy. Read the validation cheat sheet. Listening and Understanding are so critical to communication.
2) You didnt MAKE her feel anything. You did something and she reacted to it. So you learn what your actions cause and then you can adjust them based on your desired goals. Think about it this way: you didnt say "feel hungry!"....you stopped giving her food and as a result, she felt hungry. You didnt MAKE her hungry.
