The Unpleasantness

[qt4x11]

So are you guys still trying to work it out w your spouse even if they file? Can you even turn around that situation?

That's like - this person is stabbing me in the back, how can I DB them so they will want to reconcile w me? I mean is that even an appropriate thought to be having?

qt4x11, Hey there. Try to remain calm. I was in your shoes just yesterday and it's hard. I'm very sorry to hear that the petition was filed. You can join the ranks of myself, and Jb, who always was filed against this week (Jb monday, me tues, and now you).

This is very hard to process, even when you've seen it coming for weeks/months/etc. I struggled yesterday, I went dark on my W, she texted and called a couple times, I never answered or responded. As others have told me, you need this time to digest what just happened. Referring to the 72 hour rule, don't make any rash decisions.

My wife (the petitioner - thanks Jb), showed up at our home last night (she has been staying at in-laws), at 1030PM because I'd been ignoring her "just to say hi". read the last few pages of my thread "start of something: papers" and you'll see what I mean. It's rough, but I was able to control myself, and basically shut my frickin mouth for a change so I didn't belt out a bunch of PLEASE DONT DO THIS AND THESE ARE MY REASONS WHY nonsense that she probably didn't want to hear.

So, sorry this is getting long. but to answer your questions: NO! This is not over. No! Nothing changes (unless you haven't started the LRT - if you haven't started LRT, you should looking in to starting NOW).

there is a reason that states started forcing a 60-day waiting period for D's... it's because so many people would file, and then re-marry after divorce, all in teh same month. People file for D, and the retract it before it's final ALL THE TIME.

You're fine. It's time for you to process everything going on, and come up with a plan of action.

None of us are nonchallent about what you are experiencing, and don't want to appear as though we are. The first thing you must do is calm your emotions in a smart way......and don't make some stupid move you'll regret later. I hope tonight you won't try to "do" anything to save or destroy your MR. Focus on taking care of you, and just getting through tonight.

Thank you guys for your support, it means a lot you have no idea. You would have been proud of me - despite everything, I'm still DBing.

I had to be with my wife for 2 hours yesterday at the passport office with the kids. The reason for this - I'm taking the kids on a vacation to Cancun and both parents need to be there for this. She didnt want to be alone with me - so she brought her best friend (ugh). I was like, casual, playing with the kids, cracking jokes with casey mcleod and the passport lady. I didn't bring up the anything about our recent troubles and the filing. Her friend - who is probably her closest confidante and most likely one of my detractors - helped me find travel deals on her phone.

I spoke with my wife only a little, she just gave me dagger looks out the corner of her eye. The anger was still there and it was palpable. I don't understand the anger. I guess this is 'textbook' - blowing me up as a villain in her mind to justify her actions. I could tell it was annoying to her that I did not have a breakdown about the recent filing, and was nonchalant for the most part.

Inside I'm a wreck, this performance took everything I had. I brought my kids home and fed them dinner, did homework with them, and put them to sleep and fell asleep myself while I held them.