The begining of the rest of my new life? (3)

[Ripe]

SH, thank you for including me in your prayers. You don't know what they mean to me.
Yesterday was a black day amongst black days.
STBXW and I met with the mediator in order to discuss the kids' custody.
Both of us want to have the kids, so we didn't reach any agreement. What was agreed is that the courts will have to decide for us.
I cannot believe this is happening to our kids.
I just want to close my eyes and wait twenty years before opening them again.
Both parents present good reasons for wanting to have the kids either in this foreign country either in our and theirs home country.
Although both of us swore that each opposing proposal was based on the kids' best interest as we say it and nothing else I know from the bottom of my heart that not wanting to live apart from my kids plays a huge role in this.
I don't see life without my kids. What did they do to deserve this, having their parents living 1000 Km from each other and now fighting an ugly fight for them?