...the start of something: papers?

[ciluzen]

Forgive me but I'm a little confused on this so if you could clarify just a bit? She's filed for D. yet, she's still asking these questions for me to see what I want in my future, etc. or maybe she's just testing me...

She seems to have made a heavy-handed play with the D and is wishy-washy about what she's done. She's temp checking to see what type of reaction she gets, I'm sure. Right now, with the behavior you've described, no reaction is your best bet. Remain light and breezy around her and let your L deal with her L. Keep doing what your doing...its all good and remember. This sitch has been very short compared to many here...don't expect it to be a quick fix.


But I have to 'pick'. I'm not sure what I'm picking... me over her? or just not to communicate with her about MR talk? To focus on bettering me while NOT talking to her about this crap? If she continues to initiate and force MR talk, do I ignore her or just leave and go dark?

You aren't "picking". She's an emotionally reactive mess trying to bully you into doing what she wants...and she doesn't know what that is. What good is MR talk going to do right now? Focus on you and let your L protect you. Play a solid defense while your W tires herself out trying to come up with attacks that will drain her (and her resources). LRT until she seems to seriously want to R instead of manipulate...you'll know the difference. By the way...this seems so often misconstrued, but it is US that should not be bringing up R. If the S wants to...let them! But just listen and validate. They are the one who is upset enough to end the relationship.

I've already decided if she came back today and said she's sorry and wants to work on us, I won't give in easily. A lot of my self-reflection has lead to direct discovery of her problems, and I don't want these patterns of the past to repeat themselves. I won't join forces unless she's willing to work out her own issues.

Good plan. And hopefully you don't do it alone.

I know I've made a lot of progress in dropping my habits of why I'm doing what during this time. I know there's a lot of progress to be made still though. I really appreciate all your posts.

I'm amazed, betterm. You are doing very well.