Yesterday was a crazy day. I spent half the day with my baby (baby sitter agreed to do the evening childcare if she could have half the day off), went to a store and bought an outfit for graduation, they altered it and delivered it to my house, went to a doctor's appointment and then came home and scrambled to get dressed and make up done before the graduation. Whew!

The graduation was really fun. Some previous residents that graduated showed up and surprised me. I won an award and was surrounded by a lot of people that care about me. All the graduating residents were there with their spouses and some brought parents. I got a few contemplative looks and inquiries about where WH was. I had rehearsed for this question and was able to give a believable response. I came home late (for me) and crashed to bed.

Right now we're in Ramadan and at the end we will have a biggest holiday, Eid al Fitr. I was chatting with WH tonight and he said he would not be home for Eid because of work. I was stunned because this is like choosing to work on Christmas when you don't have to. The kids are old enough now to form memories of holidays and he has never missed Eid. I quickly ended the call and then cried very sad and angry tears. I am doing fine with detaching until it involves the kids, then all bets are off. The problem is I will have just moved to my new place and will not know anyone at the mosque. So it's not like I can ask someone to help out with the kids. I am just so very sad/mad tonight. Who is this man? He isn't the man I married, the guy who was so excited about having kids one day and raising according to our shared beliefs. My heart hurts so much for my kids. They constantly ask where he is and why he is gone so long. How long is this fog going to last? What if he stays like this forever?

M 10yrs T 13yrs
BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW
BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off
Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce
April '17-Letting go
2018 D busted
DD8, DS6, DS3