Correlate the following things and see if you can make sense of it......(this may be too graphic for some, parental discretion advised).
1. Tues I come right out and ask W to "go upstairs" and we had semi-obligation sex.
2. Wed. I act very cool and act like life is great w/o smothering W.
3. I read first part of Passionate Marriage and learned about differentiation which is "in line" with what my W and my instincts are telling me.
4. Thurs. I (unusually) go out for a training ride at noon and tell W that I'm getting it done so I can spend dinner with them so that she can go play bunko with the neighborhood gals.
5. I get back from my ride and despite not having much work to do, I quickly retreat back to my office after giving her a small "peck".
5. She goes out and does what I assume all the LDs do...sit around and play cards (dice in this case) and drink wine.
Now, here we go....
6. She comes home a little bit drunk and gives me a hug and offfers her neck to me. I take her upstairs, she gets into bed with just a tank top and her panties gives me a deep kiss, rolls on to her back, takes her panties off and literally invites me to her "party".
7. I start to (bad habit) go down on her and she grabs my hair, pulls my head up to hers and says in a soft, yet aggressive tone "just f*ck me".
Holy sh!t!!!!!
8. Ironically I just got done reading the "Sexual Potential" part of Passionate Marriage. It focuses on "expression" and "intimacy by "being your self in the moment" and still sharing, yet not catering (note, this book turned all my assumptions upside down).
9. So literally f*cked the bajeezus out of her, nearly sent the headboard through the wall. I had no care if she orgasmed or not but my whole intention was to completely ravish her like big strong man while still maintaining an "aggressive intimacy" and while taking some of the pleasure for myself. Within 5 minutes of hard pounding and grinding, she had an explosive O.
10. In the past, I would have "withdrew myself" prior to O (our irresponsible version of birth control) and dealt with the mess myself. But thanks to honey and PM, I decided to give her the money-shot. When I did, I held her despite the sticky mess between us.
11. We showered off and went to bed.
12. We ran an errand and had breakfast out. I did not even mention last night. When we got home, she thanked me for spending time with her this morning and the she said "I enjoyed spending time with you last night....except maybe for the 'happy ending'". Note, while some of you folks might agree that I went too far, read on.
13. I explained to her that my intention was share something special with her and that in the past (when she was on the pill) it used to allow us to pull closer afterwards instead of pulling away and that's what *I* wanted last night. It was like a light bulb went off in her eyes and she cam up and gave me a huge hug and kiss and said "that was very nice".
14. I asked her if she needed me for anything else today and that if she didn't, I needed to go to work. There is a subtle difference in this exchange (vs my usual routine) in that "I asked her if she needed anything else" prior to taking care of my own stuff. Closeness with Differentiation.
You guys, PM is the real deal if you can make sense of it. My W is giving me some insights into herself that make me realize that she has TONS of sexual energy though she's been fearful to express it...just as I have been fearful to have anything but "sweet, soft and kind" sex with her. Schnarch says that sexual expression can be therapeutic to other aspects of your life. My W is so calm, kind, and reserved, that I've simply assumed that she would desire a similar style of LM. The truth is that she wants to be more "bold" in life and facilitating this exploration in private creates an stronger intimacy and bond. This is ALL in PM. It seems obvious now. And the best part...she didn't even read it and I didn't explain any of it...I just started living it.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
