Thank you so much for your support Rich4j, Irish and Roxi. It is comforting and reassuring to know I am not alone in feeling this way. Whilst I know deep down I'm not the only one to feel this way, I seem to be surrounded by people telling me, "It's not that bad!" "You'll come to enjoy it!" etc and it does make me wonder if I am abnormal in some way to feel so strongly about it.
Originally Posted By: Rich4j
Besides the heartache of losing a loved one in the marriage, the pain in this area is harder in my opinion
You are so right Rich4j. I seem to be consumed by this pain at the moment. I am appalled and dismayed by the very idea.
Originally Posted By: IrishM
Mine said the same thing. Also provoked conflict so she said she tried and I didn't. All to justify their choice and actions. It's very common, I've read it in so many stories here.
As for you parents never forgiving your H ( if he puts on his big boy pants) They will accept him if they see you happy. They will probably vote against it but as time passes and they see he has matured and is out of his identity crisis , they too will accept him.
You shouldn't let that drive your decision.
Irish, I still find it so incredible that they all seem to run to the same script! I feel like a fool for not seeing what my Mum could see so clearly.
I try not to let what they say affect my decisions but it is hard when I am leaning on them so much for support and they voice this opinion. As with you, this is the second time my H has left and my parents said the same last time. I don't think they will be as accepting if he were to come back this time. Particularly because of the pain he has caused/is causing the kids. Last time our S was too young to know anything about it.
Originally Posted By: IrishM
Those parents that are happy to see their kids every second week are sad. Society has driven families to break up. Part time parenting and no structure from both sides. Any parent that needs a week off after a week with their kids should never have been parents in the first place . It's selfish. My STBXW hated hearing moms say that . "Ohh its great no kids for a week I can do what I WANT. " only now she's become worse than them... Not seeing them at all
I totally agree! It is completely selfish! I have spent hours over the last few days reading articles on the internet about accepting being separated from your children because of custody arrangements and feel sick at what I read. Every article is so matter of fact. As you say, it is just so common place and accepted in our selfish society that nobody bats an eyelid. I have never not wanted something more than I don't want this. I don't know how to get past this. I know myself and I know I will never, ever be OK with it.
Originally Posted By: Roxi
The captain of the family ship was sinking it and I felt like I was on the Titanic yelling "iceberg!" and no one was paying attention to me. Add to that, I was home bound after a major surgery and the kids were out of control.
Roxi, how awful! I think this describes it perfectly - likening it to being on the Titanic! Why don't our WAS feel this way? I feel like I had children with a fraudster. I keep reading articles saying that doing this to the children and enforcing them to live in two homes is "nobody's fault". I disagree. Our WAS could chose to not enforce this on them but they are chosing not to.
I'm sorry everyone. I know I sound negative and maudlin right now. I am. I am struggling a lot at the moment. I was doing so well, or so I thought. But now I wonder if I was only doing well because H had led me to believe there was a chance he would be coming home? Tomorrow is my 7 month 'bombiversary" and I sit here in disbelief still. Disbelief that it is happening, that it has been that long, and that H has still not filed or reconciled. I am beyond worn out with it all.
