Why is Raven black?

[ciluzen]

Hey Dood, IP, and Esame. Thanks so much for checking in on me. I wish I could offer better support back. I keep trying to write an update or post on people's threads, but...just having a hard time getting thoughts and feelings together right now. So much is happening at once and I'm a bit overwhelmed. I'll try to organize a bit here.

1) H and I continue to talk as "friends" when he calls me about one thing or another or when he comes to do things at the house. He has been packing up the garage and shop but seems to have a hard time touching the stuff in the house. He has been telling me how amazing I have been about getting house and grounds taken care of and packed. Keeps saying he "owes me" and brings me little things. He goes to our vacation property a lot now. Every weekend night.

2) I passed my math placement test enough to have tested out of college algebra. I am now signed up for my pre-req classes which start in July. I'll be applying for my masters program this fall to start next June (if accepted).

3)I get keys to my apartment Friday and "big move day" is Saturday (heavy stuff). I don't want H's help, though he offered. But I am a little short on strong people with pickup trucks to do lifting...missing the so called friends that I've helped move often over the years. Yeah, I'm a bit bitter, tired and grumpy.

4)My L sent me an e-mail yesterday that she was sending H's L. Apparently my L had tried to update H's L mid-May as to our house sitch (it sold) and set up a date for mediation #2 (we had agreed to meet in July). H's L never responded so she sent the second email. I told her that was fine, but that we should not be aggressively pursuing this. I had told H early on that I would only effort working on M and if he wanted a D it was all on him. I emphasized this with my L. H has disclosed that he has not spoken with his L because he owes her money.

5) My mom, who has been calling 2x a day, has now broached the subject of moving 1500 miles away from her friends, my siblings (including my older sis who is in charge of her health care), and her other grand kids as well as her doctors to be near me. I understand but don't think its a good idea and, selfishly, I just don't think I can handle her or anyone else being dependent on me right now. Too much to think about.

So there's the update. Just journaling to see it in black and white. There's so much more, but at least I can see some of the chaos in my head and maybe respond to the questions asked by you all. My foot is ok, I haven't called my doc for an IC recommendation, but I'm just putting one foot in front of the other. I'll try to write better tonight. It all just looks...selfish and not expressed well right now. But its an update. Meh.