Hello, I am 36, married for 13 years, but struggling. My H and I have had our ups and downs, but things really took a turn for the worse about ten years ago when I was diagnosed with OCD. My obsessions really interfered with out intimacy, and it's never really come back. As the years have gone by, our relationship feels like it's changed from one of life partner in crime/romantic, to best friends/roomates.
Our issues go beyond the intimacy. We disagree on how to manage finances. He is a starving artist, trying to make it work but commissions are spotty and he has never been able to make a living doing this. He hasn't ever held a long-term job beyond a year or two. We don't have any kids, and I think he resents me for this because I was always ambivalent. A few years ago I went off my birth control and antidepressants, thinking we could try, and nothing ever came from it.
I am introverted. I like my close circle of friends and prefer to hang at someone's home, playing games or watching movies. He is extroverted. He likes bars, stimulation, and has a wider circle of not-as-close friendships. He says we have nothing in common anymore. There's more, but I don't want to be here all night...
Neither of us has come right out and said we WANT to divorce. But the thought is in my mind. In an argument with him last weekend, he acknowledged he's checked out of the relationship, feeling that he's tried for years and is done trying. I've asked him if he only stays because I pay all his bills, and he denies. He stated one thing that he worries about is my being alone without him. I don't see the point in staying married if the romance is gone. Typical ILYBNILWU. (did I get that acronym right?). It's not the first time I've thought of divorce. Honestly I worry about how much alimony I'd have to pay him and the financial ruin it will cause me. I am stuck in indecision and have no clue how to chose a path-to stay and continue trying to figure it out, or go?
So I'm here, hoping I'll be able to work my way through this, or get some ideas. I was here a year ago but my old log-in wasn't working, so I have no clue where those posts went. I do have the book and have read it through. I have no idea how to GAL. I'm very shy. I try to 180 but find myself falling back into my old ways. I'm lost.
