What Should I be doing (5)

[sandi2]

Ps- I've messed up so much that the fear of telling has kind of numbed now

Sometimes it just takes thinking things through a few of days. That is why we encourage people to think 72 hrs before acting.

[cbtdad]

^^^^^^^
Thank you for that Sandi!
It's so simple, but it's something I must remember in my own situation
I always want to act so quickly in with my emotions

[Coconut]

Lol, I'm changing my name to coconut/cbt since we are like the same person...

So today was fun . Started out the morning with my wife waking up from the couch at 6am and coming to bed and snuggling with me, she was calling out from work, so I got up shortly after to make coffee, but decided I'd rather be with her so I went back in the room and gave her a message, which she gladly accepted. No expectations, but was nice to do, and I knew she needed to get up anyway to start studying. Just a message..

So while I was at work she kept texting me emojis of hearts and smiley face kissing which was nice. Then she sends me a pic of a way to small tank top, she asks what I think of it and says for my eyes only... Well, let's just say i liked it...

I told her sometime a few days ago that I was really trying to connect with her on electronic media since I know she likes it, but it's never been my thing, but after today I think I found a new thing ... Is that bad? I don't know, and I don't care, I only told her that I thought the tank top would look better bra less...

Anyway, I only say this to say that I think she may be getting her "feelings" back, she is being more playful and receptive, still no sexual activity, but we are having fun..

I have refrained from any snooping or verifying (except I did chk call log on work phone since she called out, but nothing there" since Friday nights fiasco, and quite frankly am happy today.

[Coconut]

So we ML last night, awkward awkward awkward. She had gone to station with her entire class to study for mid term, I went out to my weekly outing to open mic night. Both got home around 1100pm. We were laying in bed chatting and being silly, and I couldn't take it so I used everything I had to get her turned on. Eventually she pulled me to her, and I said I don't know what I'm doing (I wasn't sure how far she wanted to take it) and she replied oh yes you do. It was awkward because I didn't want to push her into it, but at the same time I really wanted to.

Anyway, after a while I asked how she felt about it and she said "it may have been too soon", but didn't elaborate. I'm not sure how to take that. I did have a few moments when we were just being silly or kissing that the A came into mind, and I just backed off for a few minutes and dealt with my emotions, she asked what was wrong and I told her I just need to process some thoughts, which I did, so I'm wondering if that was what she was referring to or if she was dealing with the same types of thing.

I guess that is something we need to discuss, but last night was definitely not the time. I'm not gonna push her like that again, I'll wait for her to initiate now, and just enjoy the bonding we are doing.

[sandi2]

Anyway, I only say this to say that I think she may be getting her "feelings" back, she is being more playful and receptive, still no sexual activity, but we are having fun..

Personally, I encourage the couple who is piecing to do exactly what you've said above. After so much stress and dealing with all the extreme emotions, they need as much fun together as possible.

So we ML last night, awkward awkward awkward.
Eventually she pulled me to her, and I said I don't know what I'm doing (I wasn't sure how far she wanted to take it) and she replied oh yes you do. It was awkward because I didn't want to push her into it, but at the same time I really wanted to.

First time, yeah the awkwardness...... I get the feeling that the awkwardness may have began in you, feeling a lot of pressure and not wanting to push.....images of the A trying to crop up, etc. Gee, what's to be awkward about?

When she said it may have been too soon, I get the feeling she meant too soon for you. You know she can read you like a book. After all, she was the one who finally pulled you to her. Maybe you were holding back too much and she read those vibes, and it made her feel a little awkward in return. IDK, just guessing out loud.

Next time, maybe be a little more "take charge" or assertive, and not hold back as if you are reading her to see her reactions. I think the fear of rejection must be almost paralyzing for a man. ((hugs)) Anyway, just a suggestion. I am certainly no Dr. Ruth, or a Mrs. Johnson, either.

[betterm]

I said I don't know what I'm doing (I wasn't sure how far she wanted to take it) and she replied oh yes you do. It was awkward because I didn't want to push her into it, but at the same time I really wanted to.

From man who currently does not have the option to ML to his W right now. My only advice, is be confident in your actions. A confident man who knows exactly what he wants is exactly what a woman wants.

[cbtdad]

Bahahahahahahaha
My friend I am not laughing at you, I am laughing with you. Oh I know that allay all so well. Cnut, my W is extremely good looking. 5'3 115 lbs, blonde hair, blue eyes, great smile and works out.
She turns me on all the time. 10 years in and I still get excited when I see her naked. Which is why my current situation is so tough right now;)
So after we started piecing, I knew sex was gonna be awkward at first. And oh my was it ever. The first time I couldn't get the thought of OM out my head. Couldn't even perform. Which was crazy cause my W has always turned me on like I said.
We talked about it and got our feelings out about it. A few days later we were hanging on the back deck and both decided to go try again. Still awkward but at least we got the job done.
It get better and better from there. I would say it took me 3 months before it felt "normal" if that makes sense
Its just one of those things that's gonna take time.
But man everything sounds great otherwise. Keep it up!

[Coconut]

I'll say it again, my wife is very hot, 40 and looks 25, she's 5'2, 115lbs with long beautiful blonde hair, most people would say my wife is a 8 or 9 and a 10 for her age.

CBT, I think you and your W are my W and my doppelgangers. I left out the blue eyes that she has and that she works out (plus Karate and FF academy).

[cbtdad]

HAHA!! It does seem to be the case

[RSG]

Wow. I'd love to be there. Not saying it's not awkward, and that you have to ease into it, but it kind of cements things as far as getting back together goes.

I keep having these stupid visions. My son is downstairs playing the iPad, while I'm upstairs looking for his food or toys or teddy bear. Suddenly the dog goes nuts and I hear S say "Hi Mommy." I go down, see her with a handful of clothes and ask "I didn't know you were coming?" She puts the clothes on the couch, gives me a hug, a kiss and says "I love you, I'm home. I want to be a family." It's a stupid pipedream and counterproductive I know. It turns on the waterworks sometimes. But it still flashes in my head from time to time.

You're almost there Coconut, you've just got to keep fighting through things. You can do it. Try to take things slowly, and enjoy every moment together.