New to Site - Just found about another

[coffee_]

"I can strive for what I want freely without feeling anxious about what might happen."

I really like what you said here Zuess. I can't wait to feel this way again. Going on 3 months where I just am unsure of myself, times of low self esteem, and scared of what my future holds. I am no longer afraid of my future, I never know what it held anyways. I will trudge through this mess, try to avoid the circus acts as much as possible, and ignore my STBXW when she is out doing her "thing"
I am sick of the shenanigans, ready for my future, and done with being in limbo. I still ask myself "why is this happening to me" but then my answer is because she is a selfish you know what. So weird to watch the transformation, or what seems to be a transformation. Now that the A's are out in the open she couldn't care less about our M. I just have to realize that, and know that some day the fog will lift and she will realize that she handled this situation completely wrong.
If the fog never lifts, well she will live a life of lies and deceptive ways and have to answer Him, I pray she figures it out before that and asks for forgiveness.
Here I am typing all this and still in the back of my mind there is a spec of hope...just a spec though.
I do have my ups and downs, and will for a long time I suppose but this site has really opened my eyes as to how common my sitc is and I am no different. Amazing to me that 50% of M's end in D, and 50% of M women cheat, just as much as men. I have a little different situation because my STBXW is a serial cheater, which is just a shock to my system. I do look at her and realize she is not the girl I M'd. Makes me sad but it is what it is I guess.