Thanks for the honest opinion. Honestly, it means a lot. In my sitch, part of what I did wrong was promising to do things, and then backed out or they went on the backburner, never to be done until she complained about it. This is something, along with many others, that I have changed and continue to progress toward.
I'm deep into a 180 and she has noticed, though I know she isn't convinced yet. Quick bullet on WHAT I've been doing:
-becoming more active (lots of working out, dropping weight for muscle) -taking up things I've always wanted to do (riding a motorcycle, awesome btw) -doing things around the house with the need to be asked -NOT pressuring her with R talk whatsoever -Reconnecting with friends that I haven't seen in a while -Generally, being is great mood (this stems from exercising for me) -Allowing myself to feel the pain of the situation, but to not dwell on it -Getting back to playing more music (a great stress reliever) -Going to IC for myself, not for the benefit of the MR -Showing her that I'm not dependant on the R, its a want, not a need The list goes on, but you get the idea.
Dig ... this is a solid list, and the best part nothing in it is about your W.
One thing I would recommend ... it truly helped me and has been used here by a few. Make up 3 lists, 10 lines. List #1 is a list of things you like about yourself. List #2, 10 things you do not like about yourself ... careful here, not 10 complaints she has ... 10 things you truly want to change about yourself (maybe losing 10 lbs, not losing your cool as often etc) List #3 10 things you admire in other men. Type this list out/print a couple copies, now that she is almost out of the house place it in a spot you will see it early in the morning. Have another handy .. maybe at work, where ever .. I had reminders on my phone about 2 times a day to review it .... whatever works for you. So once you have the list .... review one thing you like about yourself .. focus on that and practice it that week (do it more) ... now look at list #2, take one and replace it with something from list 3 .... do that for that week ... the next week move to another item on the list and repeat. These things are deeply personal to you, its a way to improve yourself continually.
Example ... I did not care how with all the stuff going on I was becoming quick to get upset, so I circled 'Temper" and began going to church every Sunday, this was for me ... no one else ... one by one I would work on these things, sometimes revisiting ones I felt I needed more effort in, the results amazed me.
Originally Posted By: DigIt
I am a man of my word, so I will help her move. What she won't expect is me not allowing her access to the house after Saturday. And past that, I will initiate zero contact with her.
She has kept asking about where I go whenever I get home, and finally told her, without being rude, that it's none of her business right now. She was mad and said "I'll never ask what you're doing again", almost like a threat. Not really, it wasn't malicious, but it was kind of like I was suppose to be upset that she doesn't care where I am.
Right now, she is really grasping at straws as to reasons to validate her leaving me. 6 months ago, she most definitely had reasons. Now, there isn't a single one, and I know it is getting to her.
But above all else, the changes I've made to myself, have been FOR myself. And that feels pretty good and I'm confident that whichever way this lands, I'm gonna end up with my feet firmly planted in the ground.
I will have missteps but I will do my best to vent here and keep any resentments/anger/sadness to myself and this forum.
If you have commited I get its to late to back out, so try and get through the move with indifference in mind, not happy, not upset .. just a job that needs to be done. This is her choice, you may not agree with it but you can tell her by your actions you respect her decisions. She will have doubts I suspect and will test you throughout .... do not react, if you feel yourself getting to a point you may act out .. take a walk. And you are right ... what you do is no longer her concern, her choices have consequences and you no longer need to answer to her for GAL ... no need to be a jerk just be matter of fact.
