The Unpleasantness

[Coconut]

These are just random thoughts that I have. I am only writing them down because they are my feelings.

How can someone just walk away from a 10 year marriage with kids - without even bothering to try everything possible to save the marriage?

I'm sure she feels like she did everything she could and you just weren't hearing her. Your W was pretty forward in telling you what she didn't like, but you didn't really listen, you kept lying and smoking when you thought she wouldn't know.

I feel like she is putting her own pain and anger ahead of the kids’ future, it seems very selfish to me.

And smoking everyday wasn't selfish?


For my part, I still feel a huge amount of guilt because I caused this whole situation due to my own selfishness, this feeling of guilt will not go away - even though my brothers and friends are telling me ‘I am doing all the right things and am trying to change so I shouldn’t feel guilty anymore’. I can’t shake these guilty thoughts.

Bingo!

I feel like we are in this situation because of all of the mistakes I’ve made - but I also feel like her reaction to them is unfair. And her reaction is way out of proportion to what actually happened. This is my feeling. Obviously it is not hers. I can’t even express this to her because our communication is now limited.

You made your choices, she made hers, you don't get to make her choices for her. Now you made the choice to fix yourself and she will make the choice to come back to you or not. You can only control what you do, your choosing to be a better man, that's a good choice.

I have already spent thousands of dollars on lawyers, therapists, counselors - and now, on DB coaching on this very site. At times I feel like there is no hope, and what I am really spending money on is to have a false sense of hope to get me through this really bad time.

The money is being spent to make you better, wether you get back together or not, you will be a better man, money well spent.

I have to prepare for the worst and be realistic - I have an upcoming meeting with my lawyers. I want to tell them - I can’t just sit around and wait for ’the other shoe to drop’, and I don’t want to just rubber stamp a divorce agreement drafted by her lawyers that is highly favorable to her. I want to work with my lawyers to educate myself, and get ahead of the situation so that I’m in the best position get fair and equal child custody and financial arrangement if this goes south. I have my lawyer meeting Friday about this.

Being prepared is good, filing because you want to beat her to it isn't, I wouldn't file unless you want a D.