What Should I be doing (5)

[Coconut]

C-nut,

Why do I find myself so drawn to your thread :-) Perhaps because your sitch is unfolding right before our eyes better than any tv drama, you are an example of how DB can work, or maybe it's because you remind me so much of myself---you keep screwing up, acting on emotions, but then quickly learn that doesn't work and then swing too far in the other direction. It's as if you are the perfect example of what to do and also what not to do. I say this with nothing but love.

-Blu

TV Drama or train wreck, I think both analogies would fit at times. I have struggled several times with posting some information, because I feel so grateful with how much time and effort so many people (especially Sandi2 and Wonka) have spent trying to help me to do the right thing, that I'm afraid to admit when I mess up.. But I also realize how helpful it is for others to read about the mess ups and the outcome of those actions, so I've committed to being fully transparent.

I am still working on me, and I did a good job of not acting on triggers yesterday. The OM liked a pic of my wife she put on instagram, I recognized the flare up of my emotions when I saw that he did that, I took 10 minutes and calmed myself down, realized there is nothing she can do about that (you can't stop someone from following you on instagram).

Anyway, she made the comment the other day that she expects a lot of ups and downs, and she is committed to working through those as long as we work through it with just us, and not "post" our problems for other peoples viewing (referring to fire station chat and facebook).

I have told her that I use "A" website for support and to help work through my emotions, but she understands its anonymous and didn't try and get any information on it. I only use my work computer and my iPad to sign on here, and the iPad I use the private setting for internet so it doesn't keep any information on the site and I always close the tab once done.