The week before our court date, my wife informs my sister in law that she wants to work it out but she doesn’t want to talk to me about our marriage until we’re at a marriage counselor - so I need to make an appointment with a counselor asap. I make an appointment, and I tell my sister in law and brother to tell her. My wife then goes to visit her family for the weekend. When she comes back she seems to change her mind, she txts my brother that she won’t be able to go to counseling. On June 2 I go to our hearing at family court. My lawyer is there. I tell my lawyer - I don’t think my wife is here yet. My lawyer says - she is here. I say - how do you know. She says - because I have talked to her lawyer. My lawyer tells me - the good news is, she is vacating the temporary court order of protection so that case will be dropped. But the bad news is - my wife is planning to file for divorce. My heart drops. Our two lawyer go into a room to iron out a ‘temporary visitation agreement’ - basically the terms by which we will communicate and visit the kids in this temporary period until a petition of divorce is filed. I could not be lower. While our lawyers are talking, I see her on the other side of the hall way. I say to her ‘Hi why????’ That’s all I could think of to say, it was so quick. She looks at me then buries her face in her hands - then her lawyer appears out of nowhere and takes her away. I am not able to say anything to her the rest of the day.
Eventually the lawyers come out of the room and I agree and sign a ‘temporary visitation agreement’. It is a 3 page document full of legal jargon describing the terms by which we will communicate and visit the kids during this temporary period until a divorce is filed. The main points of this agreement are
-the agreement is in place until we decide to lift it -my wife gets exclusive access to our house, basically I will continue to sleep on my brothers couch -I get to see my kids - Wed and Thurs days every week, and Friday through Monday morning every other week -I get to take the kids to school every morning -All communication should be only about logistics concerning the kids - so basically *my hands are tied*, I am not able to talk to her about what is going on with us, or else I will be violating this agreement (I don’t know what that means, I don’t think I can get in legal trouble but certainly it will not help me right now to be pressing for marriage counseling) -My wife gets to take my kids to visit her family out of state last week of the month -I get to take my kids on a vacation to Cancun the first week of the next month
I try to get them to include attending marriage counseling in the agreement - but it is shot down (‘the court can’t mandate someone attend counseling’ - oh but they can specify the type of communication we are to use in *text messages*???) Anyway, I feel I am railroaded into this agreement. And now - I am still sleeping on my brother’s couch. I *still* cannot talk to my wife about what is going on in our marriage, or I’ll be violating this ‘agreement’. But now I can see my kids again, part of the time. I am utterly heartbroken, I feel helpless. I feel like my life is falling apart around me and I can’t even do or say even one word about it. I have to see my kids for the first time on June 4 - on one hand I will be so happy to see them. On the other hand I know that part of me will feel a deep sadness to see them, because it will remind me that their world is about to change, and how much I love them but I can’t protect them. I don’t even have the words to express to them how sorry I am.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
