I want to hear your story and I want to know why your name is misspelled.
Im not really planning to share the details of my story. The basics are that I am divorced and moved on to a new life of being the best parent, friend, colleague, and partner I can be. I've been through the wringer and come out the other side.
They only allow 7 letters in the user names, and I figured if I made it "drkness", then you guys would think I meant "dorkness"
- Everyone's perception is their reality. You cant convince someone that what they are feeling is wrong. That's akin to telling them that they dont feel hungry, or hot, or tired. If they feel neglected, abused, threatened, disappointed, frustrated, etc, then thats how they feel. Even if you didnt mean to cause these feelings, thats how they are feeling. That doesnt necessarily mean that what you did was 'wrong', but thats how they feel. Don't try to convince them otherwise.
I didn't realize there was a seven character limit on the user name; I accidentally hit the max with doodler. (Maybe the sign-up page mentioned the max characters, but I've long forgotten.)
During your dark days of marital woes, did you use DB techniques? Was there anything that worked best for you?
During your dark days of marital woes, did you use DB techniques?
I found this place far too late to have any impact on my marriage. I broke every one of Sandi's rules daily for a couple of months after BD.
Originally Posted By: doodler
Was there anything that worked best for you?
In saving my marriage? Absolutely not.
But the things Im outlining in this thread are things Ive learned that have helped me in every day life, in my new relationships, and have helped me to become a "better" person.
It's so hard to think that you dont have control over your own life. I know I have felt that way; that my ex had all of the control in the end of our R and I had none. But thats garbage. I always had control of me and only me. I forgot that my partner was continually making a choice to be with me. So now, I do what I need to in order that my new partner will wake up and choose to be with me each and every day.
That is a good point, not just being content to live with inertia but generating energy to keep you together.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
Just checking in to see what other words of advice and wisdom, darknes has today.
Detachment is HARD. And it's a process.
I find that even today, I still have moments where I think back and wander down some cheeseless tunnels.
How did it come to this? Why couldnt we make things work? How could that person do this to me? Why didnt I get a "fair shot"?
It could be a song on the radio, a certain place, a certain person, a certain saying....lots of different little triggers are out there that can remind you of the past. All you can do is watch for them and stop yourself as you start to wander down those tunnels. Theres nothing good at the end of them.
