I've realised that the overwhelming fear I had about losing my house had tapped into a fear going back to childhood (we were homeless for a year when I was 10 years old).
On the plus side, I did feel the fear take hold and really overwhelm me, but I still managed to take some steps to find where I stand on it, legally.
Perhaps this whole process is about learning to face your own biggest fears? Mine are to do with abandonment and not feeling safe (physically and emotionally).
Well, the abandonment has happened, and look...I'm still here. I'm not only just still here, I'm managing to piece myself back together and live my life. I'm also managing to piece together my own version of events from my own perspective, and really own that. And I don't feel the need to try and convince people of my version, in spite of what my H may or may not be saying about me and our life together to our mutual friends, family or work colleagues.
I'm also physically safe, in my own house, under my own roof. And nobody can take that away from me,
The abandonment didn't annihilate me or destroy me, as I was always scared it would.
I don't know what I'm going to do with the information from the lawyer for now - or if I'm going to do anything at all with it, but it's helped me feel much calmer and more together.
Organising a nice GAL activity for the end of the week, and also introducing two good friends to each other.
Things to focus on in the next week/couple of weeks that have slipped a little:
* Back to some DIY. I get a tremendous sense of achievement from that. * Back to clearing out and sorting my clothes. Also makes me feel good. * Keep the house tidy. Struggling with this a bit at the moment, so I'll just focus on always having the washing up done and the kitchen surfaces clear for the next week. * A bit more focus on my own work.
Longer term goals:
* Finish paying off the mortgage. Not much left on it at all, just a couple of years.
