She's gone. Living in the now.

[Zues126]

Hey Scrant,

I remember when I was 3 months into my sitch. I would literally meditate for 15-20 minutes, detach from emotions, then sit and wait until I felt that my best self was leading the way before I sent a reply to an email. Or text. Every time. For months.

I later found out she was in a drunken stupor and had a string of other men while she was partying and medicating.

I guess my point is that looking back I was way too attached, and didn't recognize the reality of the situation. To do it again I would've let go much more quickly.

As for your sitch...I'm really not sure what you hoped to achieve by writing those words. I mean, I know what you wanted to achieve I think. I just don't think it jives with DB. It sounds like you wanted to show her who you are, to be understood, and to show the graciousness that no matter what she decides you will be mature and warm. The problem is that it is all about what YOU need. YOU need to be understood. YOU need her to see you in a positive light.

Stop it.

Look, she sees you in a horrible light- that you are not partner material and that she needs to purge you from her life to have a shot at finding any type of happiness in this world.

She can say whatever she wants to say, but that is the truth of the situation. Why are you still trying to alter her perception of you? Please, please, please let go of what she thinks of you. And the irony is that you trying to impress her with courtesy is selfish, it's about what you need from her, what you want.

Actions, not words. You want to be nice, don't guilt her about her decisions.

As for her email, I wouldn't get together unless there was a logistical need. You put yourself here though and you have to get yourself out of it. How about "I'm still sorting through what type of relationship I'm open to. For now I'd prefer to stick to business. Mainly I want you to know you're not my enemy and that as we go through this difficult process I am committed to working with you to preserve a cooperative environment."

I like that. Took me a bit to come up with it, so say thank you Seriously, quit putting yourself in this spot. Let her go, keep your mouth shut, show her with actions, and then try to stop needing to show her at all.

I'm going to post on my thread soon with a thought about anger/need to being validated. More to come.