I'm not going to make it. The house is almost empty and we have started to discuss alternate weekend. As I'm writing this I'm crying as I'm so sad. I have list my H, my family unit and my house! What have I done to derserve this? Have I been such a bad wife? Why does it hurt so much? Where did I go wrong in DB that I am not able to save my marriage? H is now the father I always wanted him to be, why hasn't been able to do it when we were together? What am learning from all of this pain? Why is God putting me through this? Why can't I be loved and cherished?
Oh boy! It hurts! Also found out H is going to a friend's wedding with OW, all of our friends are going to be there and accept her. I think moving house is taking its toll on my sanity. I know I'm not a bad person. I know that I was suffering from depression and didn't show H how much he meant to me. I remember him telling me that I will regret my behaviour one day, then I guess it is happening now.
I'd just like someone to give me a hug and tell me that everything and I will be fine. Why can't I see my worth? I could have sank deeper in my depression and taken my life as at the time my life was so unbearable but I didn't. I went to work everyday and kept to my routine. All my colleagues are saying how strong I am and I still manage to do a good job, so why can't I believe that I'm worth much more than I think I am? Why can't H see this?
