I keep rereading your post. I've noticed a couple of things you've said that didn't connect the first time.
I get that I've said things that make you feel you don't measure up to my standards.
You also mention not feeling you measure up to others strong, beautiful, and intellectual discussions.
Let's see. I'm supposed to have learned how to validate. But I'm struggling. All I can say is I understand you feel that way. It is surprising to me because I've never felt disappointed in who you are or how you've conducted yourself, and I have always found your posts strong and intellectual which is why they make me think long enough to reply three times. As for beautiful, well, all I have to compare is your screen name, and JellyB is as good looking as any I've seen (nice 'double l' you've got going on!).
I am not dismissing your feelings, just wanted you to know the light I see you in. Frankly if there are things I've said that you'd measure up poorly against, it's probably because I was out of line. When I contrast the odds that I just got carried away versus that you are a bad person I find that it's much more likely that I got carried away!
OK, no more posts, I'll sit on my hands for a while...
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Jelly, your post was touching but a little heartbreaking. You are SO worthy, sweetie. None of us gain that by how we look or how we speak, it's what's in our hearts that counts. And you've got that in spades.
Plus, as far as I know, Zues has no idea what any of us look like. But somehow I just know you are beautiful, both inside and out.
I keep rereading your post. I've noticed a couple of things you've said that didn't connect the first time.
I get that I've said things that make you feel you don't measure up to my standards.
You also mention not feeling you measure up to others strong, beautiful, and intellectual discussions.
Let's see. I'm supposed to have learned how to validate. But I'm struggling. All I can say is I understand you feel that way. It is surprising to me because I've never felt disappointed in who you are or how you've conducted yourself, and I have always found your posts strong and intellectual which is why they make me think long enough to reply three times. As for beautiful, well, all I have to compare is your screen name, and JellyB is as good looking as any I've seen (nice 'double l' you've got going on!).
I am not dismissing your feelings, just wanted you to know the light I see you in. Frankly if there are things I've said that you'd measure up poorly against, it's probably because I was out of line. When I contrast the odds that I just got carried away versus that you are a bad person I find that it's much more likely that I got carried away!
OK, no more posts, I'll sit on my hands for a while...
Zues keep posting to Jellyb. She deserves that, please reach out.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Let the rain clouds come, create a haven for yourself. Go read, post, put your records on, sit and journal.
There is enormous secret that I found out, this is your subconscious mind sorting itself, retiring adjusting to the new. It brings great change and will unstick you.
As long as you face the pain and work with it, this is a period of enormous change, much is unfamiliar. The work you have done has stirred the memories, your mind is cleansing and you are growing and developing. I sense it and read it.
It is going to be unfamiliar to your conscious mind and hence you sense an overwhelm, what is happening is your spirit is finding its voice. Sweet sadness is becoming and she feels afraid. Tell her it's going to be ok, you love and care for her, that this growth and openness is the anthesis of lonely. I believe this and find this is an advanced step in the twelve step program, it is the step before atonement, a step of great healing when all of the work is coming together. A step where the great gifts are open to flow, when the spirit releases and becomes ready to act and move forward.
Thoughts are just that, they are not real, they do not have to be believed. Much of it is the critics naysaying wanting the comfort zone. Big changes are here, let the magic begin, you are ready I think so. --------------------------------------------------- Here is Plain Vanillas letter to Sweet Sadness.
Dear brave sweet sadness,
I can see you are afraid and think you are lonely and isolated. This is causing you to be worried and create feelings of concern.
I know this and thank you for telling Jellyb in your own special way about your concerns. Jelly needs you in her life, she is blessed for having you, you are one of her greatest advisers. You warn her that there is more work to do. I do this all the time for V, it is one of my important roles for her.
Jelly takes great care to listen to your guidance. Rest easy the work that Jelly is doing is to grow, to be open to heal, so there is sunlight and peace not rainstorms and clouds.
She loves you very much and as a result is working her pain and yours to be open to love from all sources. She is beginning to love herself so there need never be loneliness again. Being alone is not being lonely, dear sweetness whilst you and Jelly are healing and loving each other you may be alone but you are alone together.
Rest easy, it will be ok.
Love
Plain Vanilla --------------------------------- Much love and peace today
V
Know how far you have come since then.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I hope this means you are posting again. I missed you on these forums. I like this medium because it allows me to read and absorb and take a little time with my responses.
I have lots to catch up on. But you know I have a major girl crush on you and I love any chance to engage and reflect upon your opinions and thoughts.
Anyway, I know you as a warm, funny, lively and eccentric person and your post reminded me of a movie I really think you would enjoy (if you have not seen it allready).
It's called Human Nature. It's a charlie Kaufman film and absolutely hysterical. The protagonist is this very passionate, soulful, and sexual woman played by Patricia Arquette. She longs for love and approval but has this condition which causes her to grow excessive hair all over her body...in a very animalistic/primal way. She ends up settling for and constantly trying to please this uptight guy, played by Tim Robbins who has severe mommy issues and his life long mission is to teach mice proper table manners. (Funniest line is she take him hiking and he's afraid of ticks) the ending is pretty funny and outrageous and harshly realistic too regarding who all the men actually end up going for!! I highly recommend it. I think we share similar senses of humor and this kind of reminds me of both of our past relationships. (For the record I do not have a body hair issues)
See, you never have to worry about intellectual conversation with me! : )
But what i really wanted to say is that, I think it's so important not to allow the feelings or beliefs of others to censor what we do or what we say. Because there is so much that our " human failings " offer... Respectful Debate, reflection, insight, personal growth. And we should never give that type of power to someone else.
I am always drawn to people that have the courage to say and do what they think and want to, regardless of how others will take it. I trust that honesty more then politeness or political correctness. You are very open about your feelings and zues about his opinions.
I actually wish I had the courage to be that way more often and I think its something I have to work on... The not caring if I am liked. I actually find it harder to be like that with other females then With men.
Regarding zues... I could be wrong, but on these forums he reminds me of an old track coach. Someone that calls you out when he sees that your holding back during a race, but always supportive once the race is finished.
I keep rereading your post. I've noticed a couple of things you've said that didn't connect the first time.
I get that I've said things that make you feel you don't measure up to my standards.
You also mention not feeling you measure up to others strong, beautiful, and intellectual discussions.
Let's see. I'm supposed to have learned how to validate. But I'm struggling. All I can say is I understand you feel that way. It is surprising to me because I've never felt disappointed in who you are or how you've conducted yourself, and I have always found your posts strong and intellectual which is why they make me think long enough to reply three times. As for beautiful, well, all I have to compare is your screen name, and JellyB is as good looking as any I've seen (nice 'double l' you've got going on!).
I am not dismissing your feelings, just wanted you to know the light I see you in. Frankly if there are things I've said that you'd measure up poorly against, it's probably because I was out of line. When I contrast the odds that I just got carried away versus that you are a bad person I find that it's much more likely that I got carried away!
OK, no more posts, I'll sit on my hands for a while...
Zues, give me some time to formulate my ideas and sense of self around our reent exchange. I feel like I have hit you over the head with a mallet, and the guilt is a little too overwhelming to really reply without emotion.
I will give you an update on the Life and Times of JellyB.
Let the rain clouds come, create a haven for yourself. Go read, post, put your records on, sit and journal.
There is enormous secret that I found out, this is your subconscious mind sorting itself, retiring adjusting to the new. It brings great change and will unstick you.
As long as you face the pain and work with it, this is a period of enormous change, much is unfamiliar. The work you have done has stirred the memories, your mind is cleansing and you are growing and developing. I sense it and read it.
It is going to be unfamiliar to your conscious mind and hence you sense an overwhelm, what is happening is your spirit is finding its voice. Sweet sadness is becoming and she feels afraid. Tell her it's going to be ok, you love and care for her, that this growth and openness is the anthesis of lonely. I believe this and find this is an advanced step in the twelve step program, it is the step before atonement, a step of great healing when all of the work is coming together. A step where the great gifts are open to flow, when the spirit releases and becomes ready to act and move forward.
Thoughts are just that, they are not real, they do not have to be believed. Much of it is the critics naysaying wanting the comfort zone. Big changes are here, let the magic begin, you are ready I think so. --------------------------------------------------- Here is Plain Vanillas letter to Sweet Sadness.
Dear brave sweet sadness,
I can see you are afraid and think you are lonely and isolated. This is causing you to be worried and create feelings of concern.
I know this and thank you for telling Jellyb in your own special way about your concerns. Jelly needs you in her life, she is blessed for having you, you are one of her greatest advisers. You warn her that there is more work to do. I do this all the time for V, it is one of my important roles for her.
Jelly takes great care to listen to your guidance. Rest easy the work that Jelly is doing is to grow, to be open to heal, so there is sunlight and peace not rainstorms and clouds.
She loves you very much and as a result is working her pain and yours to be open to love from all sources. She is beginning to love herself so there need never be loneliness again. Being alone is not being lonely, dear sweetness whilst you and Jelly are healing and loving each other you may be alone but you are alone together.
Rest easy, it will be ok.
Love
Plain Vanilla --------------------------------- Much love and peace today
V
Know how far you have come since then.
V
I remember V, I remember everything. Your naming of sweet sadness was a revalation. She has come to so much healing all in finding a name.
Jelly, your post was touching but a little heartbreaking. You are SO worthy, sweetie. None of us gain that by how we look or how we speak, it's what's in our hearts that counts. And you've got that in spades.
Plus, as far as I know, Zues has no idea what any of us look like. But somehow I just know you are beautiful, both inside and out.
Thanks Sunny! I'm learning my worth Sunny, some days I'm better at owning it than others.
You can't have a name like Sunny and not be beautiful, and indeed you live upto your name.
I keep rereading your post. I've noticed a couple of things you've said that didn't connect the first time.
I get that I've said things that make you feel you don't measure up to my standards.
You also mention not feeling you measure up to others strong, beautiful, and intellectual discussions.
Let's see. I'm supposed to have learned how to validate. But I'm struggling. All I can say is I understand you feel that way. It is surprising to me because I've never felt disappointed in who you are or how you've conducted yourself, and I have always found your posts strong and intellectual which is why they make me think long enough to reply three times. As for beautiful, well, all I have to compare is your screen name, and JellyB is as good looking as any I've seen (nice 'double l' you've got going on!).
I am not dismissing your feelings, just wanted you to know the light I see you in. Frankly if there are things I've said that you'd measure up poorly against, it's probably because I was out of line. When I contrast the odds that I just got carried away versus that you are a bad person I find that it's much more likely that I got carried away!
OK, no more posts, I'll sit on my hands for a while...
Zues, give me some time to formulate my ideas and sense of self around our reent exchange. I feel like I have hit you over the head with a mallet, and the guilt is a little too overwhelming to really reply without emotion.
I will give you an update on the Life and Times of JellyB.
If you are still talking to me.
JellyBxxx
You have the most gentle mallet in the world JB. It's all good. Keep posting, I'm still rereading your posts as well.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
