Here's where I'm at now: very nearly 8 months since H ran away and since the last time I actually talked to him; literally only a couple of texts from him in that time (when he needed things from the house); cleared all his possessions from the house early March.
Lots and lots of people are commenting on how much more relaxed I look and sound. I am definitely feeling a great sense of peace and calm...one that I haven't felt for a very long time (many years).
I've been reading about infidelity and trauma, and in particular the way that cheaters manipulate their spouses to deny their questions and fears and doubts to ultimately maintain control of the cheating situation.
If I think back over the past few year, I can think of lots land lots of those kinds of instances, where I expressed a doubt over someone, or questioned a situation, and it was flat out denied by my H, or even just ignored completely, in spite of my upset and repeated requests for clarification.
The two worst ones (two of the most upsetting ones for me) were:
* there was a woman (a work colleague) that became obsessed H after working together, and ended up stalking him for almost a year. This was back in 2009. I knew straight away, even before I met her, that there was something not quite right about her. The vibe I was getting from her was way too intense. Anyway, I bought this up a number of times over a good few months and my H ignored me. She got more and more intense in her attentions (the way she was speaking to him, it was like they were a romantic couple). He ignored me about it for the full ten months she was in our life and the whole experience it was utterly horrendous for me.
* OW1 June 2012. When I found out, he was working at the other side of the world. I called his hotel to try and speak to him about it. I was obviously very upset and looking for an explanation. He refused to talk to me. I think he also cut me off a number of times on the phone, so I had to call back.
After he got back home, he became very ill and had to get taken into hospital. Doctors finally diagnosed reactive arthritis. Not that long ago, I decided to google the causes, by chance and found that it has two possible causes: food poisoning or chlamydia.
He didn't tell me that he was being tested for chlamydia at the time, I found out a few weeks later, on reading some piece of medical paperwork he had home with him. I found it by chance. I asked him about it and he just brushed it off and didn't give me an explanation.
Those were a couple of the worst, but I had six years of this kind of thing.
