Looking for Support

[SH_]

Thanks SadHub. I am doing better this week, hoping I can make it last!

So yesterday I went to the book store and bought a few books for pleasure. I loved reading before I got married, and I got some great recommendations from a friend, and I decided to buy them so that I could pick up on that old habit. I also bought some nice patio furniture so I could enjoy my books on the patio during the evenings in summer, I'm really looking forward to that.

Very nice Dbing here.

On another note, what do you guys do when thoughts of the OW/OM come flooding into your head? Typically, I know when it's happening, and I try stopping them, but the methods of stopping them are just distractions and temporary for me, eventually they come back full force, and that's when I have it very tough. The OW was also a good friend of mine, so for me it was like a double betrayal. I also have this lingering fear that they will end up together in the future...but I guess realistically, that would never be a good relationship.. Anyway, any tips that have worked for anyone hear? I'd love to hear some.

In my readings, research and counseling, I have found that distractions or fighting uncomfortable thoughts is not beneficial as the mere attempts to do this tend to keep the thought in our mind and send it into a looping thought process pattern. This loop tends to make the thought more real and intense. Through my reading and practicing mindful meditation, I have learned to stop, acknowledge the thought and then let it pass while replacing the thought with more pleasant patterns of thought.
Check out the Ted Talk by Matthieu Ricard.

Now I am not saying this is easy, but I found with some practice, it does help me.
The science shows we really have more control over our thoughts than we realize. But like any other muscle in our body, it takes exercise, time and a focused effort.