Quote: I know this man loves me, I feel in my heart that we are going to spend forever together but it does not keep me from thinking she (OW) is going to do everything in her power to make sure this does not happen. Is there a magic spell to ward off unwanted people?
Its all going to come down to how your XH handles her when the house deal is closed. If he LOVES you the RIGHT way, he knows that maintaining contact with her is detrimental to moving things forward with you, so you will soon see what happens. If he simply ignores her lame attempts at coming between the two of you, and takes the steps necessary to send the message that he's done with her, then eventually, she fades off, just may take some time. Off the record, in general, the more she tries to come between the two of you, the more that logically will entrench your cause, because that will push even further into your non needy and clingy arms.. . Its when she simply moves on after the house closing, stops contacting him, tells him good luck with his R with you, and continues to see other men, is when you have a problem, IF he hasn't deep down let go of her yet...So, again, it all comes down to how he feels about having her pretty much expunged from his life once this house deal is closed. He'll do what it takes to turn the page and leave her in the dust, or he won't...bottom line. I think he knows where his bread is buttered, so, don't worry about it too much..
anyway, you of course, know how to handle the sitch and that is, NEVER bringing up the OW unless he does, acting confident and strong and SURE of yourself and the foundation of the R the two of you are building, (rather than looking over your shoulder for signs of the OW looking to crash the party..) and not TRYING TO FIX too much unless he confides in you..He knows you're concerned about his welfare while this house thing is going on, let him come to you about it if he needs to vent..
Wiley, again you have very valid points that I have not thought of. Expecially this one.
Quote: So, again, it all comes down to how he feels about having her pretty much expunged from his life once this house deal is closed. He'll do what it takes to turn the page and leave her in the dust, or he won't...bottom line.
I have thought all day about what you wrote and I have finally decided... I am actually relieved and some what pleased all this is going to happen way before "WE get our house and live together fulltime". I would really hate it if he or I ended up resenting the fact that "we" did not end our prior ties before we were tied together. Make sense? Speaking of prior ties... I have told all of you how XH is acting strange when we are apart. Not really strange just distant. Any way, I called the hospital when I left work yesterday just to check on SIL & nephew, did not realize Xh was still there, Xh answers the phone and sounded pleased to hear from me. After we chat about the baby and SIL I tell him "Well honey, I'm glad I got a chance to talk to you because I am on my way to Xboyfriends house, He has agreed to sign that paper so I am going to file the rest of the paperwork with the courts Friday. Thank god all my crap will be taken care of then." he said "Baby, thats great, I am happy to hear that". We also talked about my mom. I don't remember if I journaled about all of mothers day weekend. Well long story short, my mom was rushed to the ER that friday because of chest pains, she was not released until the following Tuesday. She is doing much better now, had an appt with cardiologist yesterday and was catching XH up on that sitch. We talked for a few more minutes about a lot of nothing then I let him go. I went to Xbfrnds house, he signed the paper he needed to sign He told me I looked exhausted, "GEE thanks" I thought and he invited me to stay for dinner. I stayed, we talked and laughed, It was a nice break from the norm. Talked to him about the issues at hand right now. He gave me some good advise and I went home. XH called later that night, I was in the shower so my mom told him I would call him back. When I called him back we talked for a while and he was very very sweet. I think with my none needy attitude and with the space I am giving him, yet he does know I am here if he needs me, things are working out.
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Halo, I am so happy for you. I admire how you have handled yourself thru all this. I want you to know that your sitch and advice have made a big impact on me. My sitch is not better but I have grown as a person, both emotionally and mentally.
Finally catching up with your sitch...you are an inspiration to me and are providing a fantastic guide for my own sitch. As we have said earlier, this DB'ing is easier said than done, but when we falter, just get up and keep going. We know that path but at times seem hellbent on self-destruction, even when we know it is not the right thing to do. Damn impulsive urges!!
So happy for you and the progress you and your significant other are making. Keep in touch.
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Update- No news on the house and XH is still being very distant. Another weekend we did not see each other. Oh well, there will be plenty of time for us later, once every thing is taken care of outside of "US".
I kept myself very busy this weekend, went to the Zoo Saturday during the day and went to see Shreck 2 that night (very funny movie). I spent all day Sunday cleaning house and doing laundry. The house looked beautiful all day until my mother comes home (my mom lives with me). Within a thirty minute period she had destroyed what took me all day to clean. Xh called me sunday evening and we talked for a little while he then proceedes to tell me (without me asking) that he is sorry for not calling me lately, he just hates calling me and complaining about his problems, that they are his problems and he does not want to bring me into them. Without even taking a breath, he starts to "unload" on me about everything that has been happening. (inside I giggled because didn't he just tell me that he is being distant because he hates calling me just to complain about his problems? ) I listened and validated as much as I could. When he finally did take a breath I tried (unsuccessfully) to change the subject. My guess is that he just needed to talk to someone not trying to give him answers. I hope and pray that this whole thing is taken care of soon. Hope all of you are well!
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Glad to see how well you're handling your XH while he goes through some "transitioning". Giving him space, letting him come to you on HIS OWN, not trying to fix anything when he vents, and staying busy & happy when you're not together, all very wise approaches..
. Its when she simply moves on after the house closing, stops contacting him, tells him good luck with his R with you, and continues to see other men, is when you have a problem, IF he hasn't deep down let go of her yet...So, again, it all comes down to how he feels about having her pretty much expunged from his life once this house deal is closed. He'll do what it takes to turn the page and leave her in the dust, or he won't...bottom line. I think he knows where his bread is buttered, so, don't worry about it too much.. 
then I let him go. I went to Xbfrnds house, he signed the paper he needed to sign He told me I looked exhausted, "GEE thanks" I thought and he invited me to stay for dinner. I stayed, we talked and laughed, It was a nice break from the norm. Talked to him about the issues at hand right now. He gave me some good advise and I went home. XH called later that night, I was in the shower so my mom told him I would call him back. When I called him back we talked for a while and he was very very sweet. 
) I listened and validated as much as I could. When he finally did take a breath I tried (unsuccessfully) to change the subject. My guess is that he just needed to talk to someone not trying to give him answers.